Liz's Letters

I took a ministry position with my church some time back that I felt ill-equipped to really do. I was assured that I would be provided training. True to their word (staff at my church), I got the details of the training. In a few weeks, I will begin a 26 week training with The Association of Biblical Counselors My mind is still trying to grasp what I have gotten myself into! Haha! While doing so, I am mentally preparing myself for going back to school, since that's pretty much what I will be doing. I am excited and nervous at the same time. I am also in awe at how faithful God is. Eager to see what He has in mind!

Talking to a counselor and friend today, she made a comment regarding how most people view / understand forgiveness. I agree with her thought that most people, even Christians, don't really understand how to forgive. I know that I didn't. For many years, I thought I had forgiven people because I made the choice to. And I was told that the "feelings" would follow my decision. As a result, I have walked through many years of my life with unforgiveness and therefore, bitterness, holding me back from living life as God would have me live. I have spent the last three months studying and reading much about forgiveness. One of the most powerful books that I have read is The Gift of Forgiveness by Charles Stanley. I believed a lot of untrue things about forgiveness, much of which was taught to me by "the church", some I have witnessed, and some I have personally experienced from the receiving end of this non-biblical view of forgiveness. One biggie for me is the re...

It was almost 24 years ago that I made the decision to give my life and my will over to Jesus Christ. At the time, I really had no idea what it meant, but what I did know was that I was not doing a good job of living my life running it all on my own. I knew I needed help and I had (already by 27) looked for a lot of different people and ways of obtaining that help, none of whom or which had worked. I was still a mess. On the outside, things didn't look too messy. I was married to a great guy and had just given birth to our second, beautiful, and perfect son. We had family that we loved, friends to hang out with, a home, two cars, and one good job. As a new follower of Christ, when I heard things like, "crucified with Christ", "died with Christ", and the like, I was so confused. For many years I pretended to understand what it meant. And in some ways, I got it - sort of. But this past summer, I REALLY got it. And it is amazing. That person...the one who was a mes...

Recently, I have been face to face with a couple of different situations where I had to exhort. All at once. And I want to ask God "WHY?" "Why? and why all at the same time?" Certainly, there is something for me to learn and I will continue to wait for His reply. Or .... He could decide my question is self seeking and choose not to answer my selfish request to explain Himself. Either way, I don't like to exhort. period. To exhort according to Merriam Webster - "to make an urgent appeal" . Urgent appeal. Tough stuff sometimes. Most difficult...in my relationship with my husband. But I know I must in order to grow - together . I don't like it though, and neither does he. Matters not which end we are on; giver of exhortation or receiver. (there are times for both, no doubt) Neither of us like either. But in the end - God is honored, our marriage is honored. Oh, Lord, give me grace and humility. It is the only way. My daughter. Who likes...

My house is busy this week. My son and his girlfriend are here from DC, my mom has come and gone, friends are popping in and out of the house...and the cooking and cleaning never ends! So, this morning when I woke, it was quiet. All the house was asleep. I jumped at the chance to get up, fix my coffee, and spend some quality time with God. Ignoring the dishes that needed to be unloaded from the dishwasher and the sheets that needed to be folded from the dryer, I made my way to the place where I meet Him most mornings. Cup of coffee in hand, tissues in the other...I knew I had some serious talking to do. I spent a little time reading notes in my devotional book-My Utmost For His Highest. Some time before today, I had made a little star on the page for today's reading. This is my way of marking a lesson that God had taught me, so I flipped to the back of the book to read what it had been. The words that I read were these: "Our battles are first won or lost in the secr...

A decision was made by me as I was preparing Christmas cards. The decision was one that I made differently last year at this time. Evaluating today, I measure the progress in my recovery, I realize that change is still underway. Some of you might ask, “Recovery?” Yes, recovery. No, I am not an alcoholic or a drug addict, or even a food addict. (Although I might border on this one), but what I am is a relationship addict and it brought me a lot of grief until I admitted that I was powerless, that some of my relationships were unmanageable and that only God could restore me to sanity. Prior to this “A-ha!” moment, there were a few relationships that I had made an absolute mess of. A couple of these friendships did not survive the chaos and I have grieved the loss. Having accepted my responsibility in the brokenness, amends have been made but the choice to not return to the relationship was also made by two friends who were once my closest friends. The circumstances are completely differe...

Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us. Romans 5:3 Some days, I just want to feel sorry for myself. You know, get all caught up in everything that isn't really going my way, host a pity party and make myself the guest of honor, whine, cry, and wonder why trials have to come my way. Humanly speaking, I don't like trials, and I really don't like suffering. Alone, I react negatively to difficulties. But then I read something, or hear something, or God might just plop His word in front of me - like the one's above - to remind me - that life is not just about me. One of the ways that I can test my own faith, is to pay attention to how I respond to things that I find challenging; trials, or suffering. If I remain in the state of mind of ...

God is relentless, that's for sure. He does not give up. I recently had to give my testimony (a requirement for membership at my church) and was again amazed at the amount of time it took me to turn my life over to Christ. I was 25 years old, but I had 3 really good friends sharing with me and praying for me...for 5 years! Currently, God has been relentless in pursuing parts of me that I have been reluctant to give to Him. Attitudes. Relationships. Pride. Anger. But He gently moves, day after day, moment after moment, until finally, I am surrendered to Him. From 1999 until 2008, He had me on a persistent journey. It was rough and I held onto things - people - because I was afraid to be without them. God, however, knew He had better plans for me. I was involved in situations that were damaging to my health, relationships that were tearing me up with abuse and co-dependency, and living in a place that looked remarkably like a pit. Not that life was all bad because it wasn...

A few weeks ago, I spent a weekend on a retreat that was dedicated entirely to Spiritual Gifts. I have taken Spiritual Gift inventories before, but this was a new format for me. Also, it has been several years since I last did one, so I was curious to see what, if anything, might have changed. The last four years of my life have been spent in a very unexpected place for me, spiritually, and I had not been using my gifts (or so I thought) for some time. Upon taking the test, the same gifts - yes - did manage to work their way to the top of the list. Not to toot my own horn, by any means, but discernment is one of my highest gift results. It so happens that I don't like this gift at all....not really, anyway. One time, years ago, before I really knew or understood this gift, I was praying for an unnamed youth at my church who had tried to commit suicide. For no reason, with no hints from others, this child's name came to mind while I was praying. I thought it was my im...

Have you ever just had one of those days when you are so full that you feel like emotions are just oozing out of your heart? My day has been like that. And I sit here, screen in front of my weary, weepy eyes with too many words, heart bubbling over like soup left behind on high on the stove. What do I do with this? My Step Study class is taking me right where God wants me. I rejoice over that, but it hurts. I drove, prayerfully, to the church building, early this morning. Tears began to fall as I struggled with memories. You see, I am taking a fearless and honest personal inventory. One that reaches deep into the depths of who I am, who I have been, and who God wants me to be. I sat down in the class room, streaks on my cheeks. This is a place for honesty, safe. A group of other women seeking God with all their hearts to recover from brokenness that only God can repair. Honesty trickled from my lips as I shared with two others before the start of class. I read answers that I had writte...

Even the chapter title of Chapter 7, Self Talk Soul Talk causes me to take a deep breath and pause. A counselor once told me that, on a scale of one to ten, (one being "calm", ten being "spun up") she thought I might always function at about a six. I agreed. Since that conversation somewhere around ten years ago, I have spent much time practicing "Calm Down". Seasons of this work have been spent allowing the Lord to still and quiet my soul, but other seasons have been spent like a volcano, erupting at every disturbance. This chapter speaks to the very heart of my thought closet. Seventeen months ago, I began doing things differently in regard to anger in my life. Between months seventeen and thirteen, I failed quite a few times. The result? It seemed like insanity. It felt like I was out of control. I was, but it was not myself who needed to reign me in, it was God. In February of last year, an incident took place in my life where He finally got my attent...

We can expect to feel fear, even dread, at some points in our lives. We will always have situations that, for a time at least, seem more than we can bear. I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world. John 16:33 But the clouds will lift. We are never given more than we can handle, and with each passing day we become more at ease with ourselves and all that life, and ultimately- GOD -gives us. Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. 2 Corinthians 4: 16-18 I am learning "this too shall pass". My confidence, peace and joy increase as my strength in God increases. Finally, be...

Been cleaning out my thought closet and let me tell you what, I am so eager to throw some of this old, dirty stuff away. While I go through some of these toxic thoughts, God is also good enough to me to add to it some areas where I need to confess sin. As I throw out the negative thoughts, there are memories attached to them that I need to deal with. The words of a gossip are like choice morsels; they go down to a man's inmost parts. Proverbs 26:22 Sometimes my faulty thinking has allowed me to make grave errors in judgement. Pain has sometimes influenced my wanting to take revenge. Sometimes, I have given in to the temptation. And like the scripture says, the consequenses went deep into who I WAS. (not who I am) Gossip is so big in our society that we have created an entire industry around it. Gossip magazines, newspapers, and television shows air out all kinds of stuff that is not our business. It makes it difficult to tell the difference between what is okay to talk about and wh...

While making a searching a fearless moral inventory of myself this morning, I ran across this question: How do I behave in ways I would not tolerate from others? What makes me think it is okay for me to act this way? I laughed out loud. And then I had to get serious. I had just completed a list of behaviors that I find unacceptable, then a list of behaviors that I find irritating. On these two lists were things like lying, abuse, not getting help for abuse (especially abuse of children), screaming, controlling, hateful words, selfish.... Whoa. I had to stop. Why do I sometimes think it is okay for me to do some of those things? My answer to myself, for now, was, "I have no idea - how stupid!" Just a thought to ponder. I hope it leads to an answer, and then an end to this sort of ridiculous behavior! "Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. Why do you see the...

You shall not give false testimony against your neighbor. Exodus 20:16 Jesus said that the greatest commandment is to love God with all your heart, mind and soul. He said the second greatest is to love your neighbor as yourself. And a huge part of loving someone is being honest with them, also being the 9 th of the 10 Commandments. Sometimes being honest is difficult because it is painful. I have been in a few situations like this, one in particular was gigantic in my mind. I hid the truth for a long time, torn between protecting trust but also knowing that the truth should be revealed to someone, somewhere. It involved sin and dishonesty in the leadership of a church. But the reason I held it in confidence was because I loved my friend. So, is it right to share the truth even when it could hurt someone? Or should we conceal the truth in order to spare their feelings? Reputation? Or in this case their job? This has become one of the biggest questions that I have ever asked. I had...

It's that time again...Yes To God Tuedays, hosted by Lelia at Write From the Heart . The book this time is Self Talk Soul Talk and even though I am a day late in posting, I am excited to be working through this topic with my bloggy buddies! The beginning of this book stirs up things that for so long I thought that I could not control. Years ago, I remember asking my husband how he controlled his thoughts (it seemed to me that he was fairly good at this) and he said he chose not to think about thoughts that were not beneficial. The answer seemed good, but I still couldn't grasp what he was talking about. When he tried to explain further, he used the illustration of a bird flying by, that you just watch it fly over your head but don't let it make a nest. Hmmm. I have managed to do better with this thought control, but have yet to really get a good handle on it and I think this book might just help me with the next steps. It is the stuff in my thought closet! The thoughts tha...

Today, I am very grateful for the recovery program that I am in. There are many parts to Twelve Step Recovery and one of my favorites and most helpful is what is called "Step Work". At the beginning of every month, my Home Group has a "Step Meeting." Cool thing is, there are twelve steps and twelve months of every year (was that done on purpose?). For the month of January, we covered Step One last night. We admitted we were powerless over _________________ (fill in the blank) (alcohol, food, emotions, disease, abuse) – that our lives had become unmanageable. As I thought about this step in my life, I recognized that the two words "Admitted" and "Unmanageable" were important for me to remember. Many, many years ago, when a pastor recommended that I attend Al-Anon meetings, I sort of thought he was nuts. Yep. I didn't think the alcoholism in the family that I grew up in had any effect or influence on what I was experiencing at that time....1...

Tonight at midnight, the year 2008 is gone and the new year begins. The world waits with anticipation. We wonder and hope. Some of us look back with gratitude at what the last year held for us, some with regret and maybe some Que Sera Sera for a year that might have been painful or difficult. New Years Resolutions will be made - and broken - by many. I am not included in that group as I gave up New Years Resolutions a long time ago when I realized they were more damaging to my personal growth than helpful. Regular and honest personal inventory is what I practice instead. I am a believer in change. My growth in my relationship with the God of the Universe and the One in charge of all change in my life is greatly important. Personal growth, spiritual growth, and a life of simplicity and joy are my goals...all year long. So, as I have spent time pondering the close of 2008, I have asked myself some questions. Questions like, "What have I done to honor God this year?" "How ...