Liz's Letters

I spent an hour rambling to a friend, one that I trust to hear the unedited and not judge. She listened, so patient. Like a rush of water my thoughts poured from my mouth as if they had been frozen and thawed by the warmth of the sun. Gratitude surrounds me- she was there to sift the important from the unimportant as I heard myself let go of what I hold onto but is not mine to hold. I see the tracks where they have passed by here...he? she? and I wonder why? Why does he watch, quietly as if I cannot see him behind the silence. But the traces are there and I know. I wonder. I worry. Is the anger still there? The fear? Why does he come by here? Does he care or does he hate? My God stirs in me the searching of my own decisions, looking deep into why I care. But I love. I forgive. I want desperately to know but I breath in and out to release that I may never know. I give up, I surrender. There is no fight, no anger, no revenge, nothing left but God. Love. And I know... my God has ...