Thursday, May 27, 2010

What EXACTLY is a lie?

Eliminating information.
Lack of Integrity.

They all fall in the "untruth" category in my opinion. But some people seem to believe that leaving important information out of communication is not exactly a lie.

Is it?

I don't feel that I have to tell everyone everything, but there are some relationships that require the whole truth.

For example, my husband. If I went shopping and to lunch with a friend but told him that I only went to lunch - eliminating the shopping - I would consider that a lie. He probably would too.

I find myself thinking about this "idea" quite a bit the past few weeks. My son recently had to fill out paperwork for security clearance to get an internship with a federal law enforcement agency. I found myself asking him if he left anything off. Had he given all the information? If anything had been left out, I was concerned it would look like he was trying to cover up. But isn't that why we leave out information, generally? To cover up? When my children would over hear me on the phone with a confidant, sharing my parenting woes, they would become embarrassed by my sharing of their unacceptable behavior. I always told them they better not do anything they didn't want anyone to know about because it would always get found out. Matthew 10:26 says, "There is nothing concealed that will not be disclosed, or hidden that will not be made known."
I think my son is grateful for having taken that advice to heart; he passed the security clearance.
There is someone I know who has had a difficult time being totally honest with me. Because of this little flaw in our relationship, I find myself in the position of deciding just how intimate I am willing to be with her. Honestly, (pun intended) I am leaning toward love and grace but not close for now. It is difficult to be truly close to someone who is, quite simply, not honest.

And of course, as God would have it, I have had several reminders from His word about honesty and integrity. I hope it is his way of saying that I am not off my rocker to expect people in my close circle to be honest with me. So, I move forward, keeping my eyes on Him and being acutely aware of my own integrity.

When I was a child, I got in trouble quite often for lying. I remember someone (was it my mother???) telling me that if I lied as a child, it would be something I would battle forever. Whoever shared those words of wisdom - they stuck. I did not want to be known as a "liar", so I stopped. Just stopped. Not perfectly and all at once but I tried to be aware of the times I was tempted to wriggle out of something by not being honest, or even not stating the whole truth. My friends will now tell you that I am crazy honest, sometimes to the point of too much information.

(I have found honesty to be a challenge while job hunting for a different job while currently employed. Is there a clause for this case?)

Anyway, in my adult life, I have been face to face with some situations that I found it very difficult to be honest. And when was it okay to not be honest? And some of those situations were very tough. What do you do when you know that a pastor is verbally abusive? Or dishonest about money? It looks cut and dry (go to the church leadership), but it is not always that easy.
The difference between strict confidentiality and dishonesty sometimes is gray to me.

Thankfully, God's word is very clear on honesty. I will continue to go to His word, the ultimate authority, when I ask these questions.

Being honest is not always easy. As a Christian, I know how easy it is to fall into sin. Therefore, I need to work at being truthful, and it is work. The world does not give me or you easy situations, and sometimes we need to really work to keep our eyes on God in order to find the answers. Being honest can sometimes hurt, but knowing that you are following what God wants for you will make you more faithful in the end.

Luke 16:10 - "Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much." (NIV)

1 Timothy 1:19 - "Cling to your faith in Christ, and keep your conscience clear. For some people have deliberately violated their consciences; as a result, their faith has been shipwrecked." (NLT)

Friday, May 21, 2010


Here it is, Friday! I never get tired of Fridays! It feels like a party almost every week, even if I do nothing out of the ordinary. In celebration of Friday, I am playing my favorite Friday meme - Friday Fill-Ins!

1. Holding a newborn baby never fails to make me smile.

2. I'm looking forward to SUMMER!

3. Journey on Pandora is what I'm listening to right now.

4. Potato salad must have pickles in it!

5. Asparagus was the best thing I ate today.

6. Today was casual day at work.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to dinner with our best friends, tomorrow my plans include a jog early in the morning, the annual Texas Flute Society Flute Festival with my daughter at UNT, and watching Lovely Bones (the movie) with my daughter, future daughter-in-law, and (maybe) husband, and Sunday, I want to enjoy worship services at The Village Church, spend a little time at home (unless I change my mind and go to a gathering at the small airport where we hanger our Piper J3 Cub) and then have a wonderful Home Group meeting at my house!

Happy weekend!

Blessings to you~

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Photo Fun

Here are a few photos from the past couple of weeks. Some were taken with my iPhone, so they are not the best...but a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do!

Thien was hungry for cajun crawfish soon after she got here. (to Texas). I happen to know the place to take her and she was thrilled!

My son, Aaron, and myself...well, we decided to order the stuffed flounder.
It was quite tasty as well.

The peonies have been in full bloom!
This is the last bouquet.

I REALLY love Sushi.
I really love having Thien here because she knows how to make Sushi.
Actually, I know how too, but I don't take the time to do it.
She does.
And she did here!

This is one of my favorite places in the whole friend, Shirley's house.
I have a group of friends and we get together regularly. I love it when we go to Shirley's house. It is so inviting! But I think it is really Shirley...I love her. She is my mentor and I wish I were more like her. Maybe if I keep hanging out with her...
you never know.
But either way, I love the feeling I get when I park in this driveway and make my way up this sidewalk. There is always a special time waiting!

This is a picture of Toby Mac.
Do I really need to say more?
If you don't know who he is, check him out here:
Toby Mac

And here are two of the best friends E.V.E.R.!
They were at the concert with me.
They were also with me at Shirley's...above! :)

I went to a bridal shower recently. Our best friend's son is getting married.
This was the "cake" at the bride's shower.
They were beautiful and very tasty!

That same group of friends that I have talked about...the one's who met with me at Shirley's (two of whom are pictured at the concert) ...we just finished studying Beth Moore's study on Esther, It's Tough Being a Woman. They sort of talked me into leading...and it worked out fine, especially since they are all such great friends.
On our final meeting, they presented me with this lovely handcrafted platter!
I could not believe it! On the underneath side, all of my best friends signed it.
What a special gift!
I am so very blessed!

Love and blessings!

Update on my pastor, Matt Chandler

My pastor, Matt Chandler, had an MRI today. It was a follow up to the one he had after his radiation which showed some "matter" that was concerning. Great news is! Listen to his latest video update and thank God with me!

Monday, May 10, 2010

I had NO idea!

A few years after the birth of my second son, I decided it would be a great idea to try for a daughter.
It took almost four years- after I convinced my husband that trying for a girl was a good idea - to get her here.
That journey is a post on it's own, and not the topic of today's thoughts, but today I am thinking, "I had no idea!" I had no idea how it would feel to have a daughter.
When she was born, I cried. And I would look at her and cry again. I simply couldn't believe that she was really mine. And I was certain she was a princess. By the time she was 3 years old, she was convinced of it too. My husband and I had a little "unspoiling" to do. I found this difficult, because after all, she really was a princess. Shhh.
Well, she is 16 now, and even though "Fairytale" is not really the name of where we live, it felt that way last weekend as our daughter (aka Princess) went to her first prom.

I really had no idea how it would feel.
She is growing up.

Friday, May 7, 2010

Hard work pays off!

Two weeks ago, I participated in a triathlon.

It was not something that I have always wanted to do, especially at 48 years old. It just happened.

Let me explain.

I have a friend who went for a check up and her blood work came back with all sorts of warning signals. Thyroid, cholesterol, borderline know, the sort of things you don't want to hear when you have recently turned 40. This friend is one of a group of friends who meet regularly for prayer, encouragement, and just plain friendship.

At the announcement of our friend's health concerns, another in the group spoke up, saying,
"We should do that triathlon in April! That will encourage ALL of us to get healthy!"

Well, there are 8 of us in that group of friends.

Five of them had the wisdom to say, "That's not for me, you guys go ahead!"
I was not one of those five! So, I got online and registered along with two of my cohorts! That was in November 2009! The triathlon was scheduled for April 25.

Fast forward to the second week in April. I open my email and have a note from one of these two friends. It starts with this salutation, "Hi Hon!" Uh-oh.

Yep, pollen count is at a record high and this fellow athlete has been told by her allergist that she is forbidden to do the triathlon! I panic! I text the remaining buddy, trying desperately to back out! She will not encourage this decision of mine. In fact, she calmly states that she is not stressed, she is going to participate and do the best she can do. I calm down after about 15 minutes of ranting and raving about how unprepared I am. And then I agree to go ahead with it.

I continue my training. My swimming still lacks much! I persevere. I borrow a different bike. The chain breaks. I have it repaired. It is the day prior to the event. I call my one remaining answer. I pick up my packet and realize that it has the wrong name, that I won't even really be running. I call my buddy again. No answer. Finally, I get a text message, "Been nauseated (leaving out details here) and not sure I can do it in the morning. Going to ER."

Oh no!

I have no earthly idea what I am doing. I don't even know what to take with me other than the obvious...goggles, shoes, bike, helmet, and water. I go to bed and set my alarm for 5:00 a.m. Transition opens at 5:45. My husband is out of town. I have asked that nobody go to watch - I am too nervous to think about having someone there. Finally, I tell my son and his girlfriend, "Okay, it would be nice to know you are there."

The morning comes. Text from ill friend says the doctor told her "No Way!"
One cup of coffee; I am afraid more would cause me to need breaks too frequently.
Protein Bar.
Load the bike.
Check in. My bib number and MY AGE are written in magic marker on my legs, my arms. And yes, I am still "Will Deaver", not myself.

And I am alone. At a triathlon.

Exactly where God wanted me to be.

You see, He had a big lesson for me, and it was wrapped up with a triathlon. (Don't you think he could have selected something easier? A movie? Even a golf game? But no...a triathlon!)

All of my life, I have wanted to do things and didn't do them because I was afraid. I was afraid I would fail, or afraid someone would think I was silly or weird. Or, I did things I didn't want to do because someone else wanted me to do it. I was afraid they wouldn't like me if I declined. Or they wouldn't respect me if I said no. And whatever I did, I always wanted to have someone with me. A family member. A friend. Several friends. Never alone. ALONE....too scary. (some of you would know that this is co-dependency - which I have been overcoming for years)

And there I was. 6:00 a.m, standing in line to jump in a pool. A pool that I had never even seen before with a group of people (over 600 of them) who I had never met before. After swimming 275 yards, I was going to get on a bike, WET, and ride almost 13 miles on streets that I was unfamiliar with, amongst people I did not know. And then...crazy as it sounds, I dismounted and parked my bike and ran 5 kilometers. Well, I did walk part of it because I found out is is VERY difficult to run after riding for that many miles, but I did it! And I was alone. I did it because I wanted to! I did it for nobody but myself.

And I not only survived, but I enjoyed it. More and more, I am finding that I like being in my own company. And I like who I am. I am even learning that I can accomplish things - by myself and it is okay.

So, even though I missed my two friends who I thought were going to be with me on this journey, God had other plans for me.

And they are good.


And yes, I am thinking of doing another one. Alone? That's fine...but if anyone wants to join me, there is one in October that looks good! :)

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Exhortations are the PITS!

Recently, I have been face to face with a couple of different situations where I had to exhort. All at once. And I want to ask God "WHY?" "Why? and why all at the same time?" Certainly, there is something for me to learn and I will continue to wait for His reply. Or .... He could decide my question is self seeking and choose not to answer my selfish request to explain Himself.
Either way, I don't like to exhort. period.

To exhort according to Merriam Webster - "to make an urgent appeal".

Urgent appeal.

Tough stuff sometimes.

Most my relationship with my husband. But I know I must in order to grow - together. I don't like it though, and neither does he. Matters not which end we are on; giver of exhortation or receiver. (there are times for both, no doubt) Neither of us like either. But in the end - God is honored, our marriage is honored. Oh, Lord, give me grace and humility. It is the only way.

My daughter. Who likes to make an exhortation to a 16 year old female? If you (think you) do, it is probably because you have not. LOL! But, there is a wedge between one of my best friend's daughter and my daughter. It is stupid and immature, but it is still unacceptable. So, I made an urgent request to my daughter to do her part to make it right. ugh. I know she doesn't want to have to be the one. But, the one who is aware is the one who is I exhort my daughter to do the right thing. She has a deadline or I go to my friend in a second urgent request to assist in making this minor, but harmful situation right. Bah, humbug!

A friend. A dear, close friend. Oh, it is so difficult to be honest when we are hurt. And when the pain is caused by a behavior that is not bringing glory to the Lord. Boo - again. I struggle to do what God asks me to do. He gives me discernment and I don't want it.

I was whining, venting, and hoping for advise as I confided to my mom. Wise, she reminded me to make sure "my side of the street is clean" as these exhortations go out. In other words....look to make sure that I have taken responsibility for any part that is mine that is wrong, any amends that I need to make...make sure that the log is not stuck in MY OWN EYE before I mention a splinter in the eye of husband, my daughter, or my dear friend.

Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.

See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.

Psalm 139: 23-24

Keeping my side of the street "clean" so to speak can only be done if I am consistently asking God for help. Only He can see my ways. So, I go to Him, knowing only He is the real street cleaner in my life. And only He can help my husband, my daughter, and my dear friend clean their streets as well.

In the meantime, I continue to ask for God's heart, for His eyes, and for the ability to imitate His grace, mercy and truth in my life.