Thursday, April 28, 2011


Ran across this tidbit recently...
but wish I have lived it for all my life

Don't do something permanently stupid just because you are temporarily upset.

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Rushing Water

I spent an hour rambling to a friend, one that I trust to hear the unedited and not judge.
She listened, so patient.
Like a rush of water my thoughts poured from my mouth as if they had been frozen
and thawed by the warmth of the sun.
Gratitude surrounds me- she was there to sift the important from the unimportant as I heard myself let go of what I hold onto but is not mine to hold.
I see the tracks where they have passed by here...he? she?
and I wonder why? Why does he watch, quietly as if I cannot see him behind the silence.
But the traces are there and I know. I wonder. I worry. Is the anger still there? The fear?
Why does he come by here? Does he care or does he hate?
My God stirs in me the searching of my own decisions, looking deep into why I care.
But I love. I forgive. I want desperately to know but I breath in
and out
to release that I may never know.
I give up, I surrender.
There is no fight, no anger, no revenge, nothing left
but God.
And I know...
my God has been there, in my heart.
Like a storm rolling through, my words, they roll out.
The thunder now crashes, distant and the lightening, now quick and dim.
The anger and hurt that threatened so close, now faded.
"Not since February 2, 2008..." I hear myself say. I decided, 'never again' -the pain would wound with words, ceased. The final scream of rage released from my lips and from my soul as I relinquished control and turned it over -to God. And He took it. It was always His. And he took my friend, too, to protect and to heal. Us.
I let go.
Tonight, my own words sound so calm, so...healed. I know it's not me who has done this work. And I feel in my heart, deep,
in my heart
that I wish I could fix what I held onto too tight
and I squeezed all the life, all the love from
But I see traces and signs that something is there. Maybe fear? Maybe caution?
Maybe love?
he's been here. I pray and I wonder, "Why?"
Should I fear? or rejoice? or hope?
And the plum line drops.
There is no fear when I walk in the light.
I rejoice in knowing that there is always hope.
He is true to His promise that when He begins a good work, He will carry it on until it is complete. It is not over. He is not finished.
The forcefulness of the water slows to a steady drip, drip, drip.
My words slow as I realize that I can trust -
maybe not he who quietly peeks into the windows of my life-
but the One who holds the key to the doors and guards me as the apple of His eye,
who protects me in the shadow of His wings,
and who will not let me fall.

I am His,


It's 2 a.m. and I can't sleep.
Sometimes this happens, it might be part of menopause. ugh. Or maybe I just can't sleep.
Whatever the reason, I don't mind tonight because I have lots to think about.
My friends, Wendy and Scott, got to meet their child today - A GIRL! Right now she lives in an orphanage in Moscow, but in a couple of months, she will come home to the U.S.A.! I am so excited for them, I can barely sleep!
And, I am starting to help plan a wedding! Yes! My son and his fiance' have finally narrowed down a wedding date! Not until next May...but...let the wedding plans begin!

Friday, April 8, 2011


I really don't like to think about suffering but I know it is part of life. And when things are going really well for me, I struggle a little because I know I am not doing anything right - I am just in a good place for now. The next trial, the next crisis, the next ... something... will certainly come along eventually.

Suffering is everywhere and nobody is exempt. I have lived through my own bouts of this and it started early in my life like many others. Some of the things I have suffered have been relatively small, but some of them have been great and life changing. I work in a place where every patient admitted has experienced some sort of trauma which brings them to our hospital. They suffer. My dear friend admitted her 16 year old daughter to an inpatient drug and alcohol addiction rehab hospital yesterday. Lots of suffering. Another has lost her husband after many years of marriage. She suffers. And my pastor is battling malignant brain cancer. Suffering.

There is a website (The Resurgence) that I love to follow. So much teaching, truth, and things to challenge my growth, that I could spend hours here. Today, I found a message from my pastor, Matt, and he is sharing a message on suffering. I have witnessed his battle and God's victory in the last year and a half as Matt fights his cancer. And I learn, am challenged, and am humbled every single time I hear him share on this subject. I pray that God's sovereignty, God's peace, and our need of Him is poured into all who happen upon this message.

Thursday, April 7, 2011

He whispers loudly

The sun warms my head as it pours through the open sunroof of my vehicle. I feel like a teenager who has just been set free to drive in the sun with the radio blasting, sunglasses on, - and joyfully alone - for the first time. Excited. Elated. Life is good and I am just soaking it up.

It's my lunch hour and I am leaving a meeting where God did one of His amazing God things. He answered a question so loudly, so clearly, that I can barely even talk about it because I sound crazy. You know, one of those stories where you want to tell it, but you think anyone who hears won't possibly believe you are telling the truth. Am I convinced God is so powerful that He would make words come from one person's mouth to another person's (my) ears with no hint, no questions asked out loud, but the answer is exactly, I mean EXACTLY what was requested? Yes. So, I return to work with a sense of awe and carry on with my tasks, remembering every now and then to whisper, "Thank you."

The work day ends and traveling home my thoughts turn to another question nagging at my serenity. I remember how BIG He is and so I ask Him, "Should I?" or "Shouldn't I" get outside of what is comfortable and try something different, something new? It is for my own growth, for my own well-being, isn't it? But it is scary, and I feel the need to evaluate my motives. Am I angry? No. Hurt? A little, but it's not a resentment, it will pass. Am I crazy? No. I need to take care of myself. So I go. It feels odd and uncomfortable, but I sit and wait, and listen, and share. The topic? Taking care of ourselves. Sigh. And again, I realize God has spoken, answered. I am there and I am turning my life and my will over to the care of God, taking care of myself by letting Him take care of me. And He assures me again. And I whisper, "Thank you."

I call out to the LORD,
and he answers me from his holy mountain.
Psalm 3:4

Saturday, April 2, 2011

God of Victory

Last night I was blessed to attend a very special worship service at my church...the celebration of The Village Church's latest CD. God of Victory CD was released yesterday and remarkably was ranked number 22 overall on iTunes...not in the Christian music genre - but overall. This is really cool, but not as cool as the wonderful way that God is glorified in this great blessing and the way that His love is being spread throughout the country, even the world through this CD. What humble talent I witness in the musicians that lead worship where I worship. Some of these songs, you may recognize, some of them, you won't. One is a big hit on the radio right now and our gifted Michael Bleeker's name is credited; along with a well-known singer, song-writer. I giggle, because when I first heard Glorious Day on the radio, my thought was, " are they singing a song from The Village Church?" ha ha! We had been singing it in our worship service for some time - I had NO idea that Mark Hall helped write it.

Anyway...I cannot express my gratitude that God brought us to Texas, plucked us out of a situation where God was not being honored, where I thought I might never attend another church again, and He orchestrated events so that our family would end up where we are now. So much healing has occurred; in me, in my family, in relationships, and most importantly in my relationship with God.

When I listen to these songs, I am reminded of the only thing that matters - Jesus Christ. I know that because of Him, I live.

Check it out for yourself!

God of Victory

The Village: God of Victory "The Vision" from The Village Church on Vimeo.

Rejoicing in Him!