Friday, February 27, 2009

Friday Fill Ins

1. I'm PMS-ing, I'm excited, I am feeling out of balance .

2. Why do I have short legs and not tall, thin ones?

3. How does this surrender stuff really work, anyway?

4. Every morning, I put make-up on my face.

5. I consider myself lucky because I have God in my life.

6. One day we’ll see Jesus face to face!

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to meeting Lelia and Kelley in person, tomorrow my plans include Step Study Class, shopping with my daughter, worship service, and dinner with friends (and maybe seeing Lelia and Kelley again) and Sunday, I want to work in my yard a little bit!

For More Fun Friday Fill Ins click here!

Thursday, February 26, 2009

ABC's of the Word - "C"

My post is late in the day this week. It was a very tiring day and there is chaos in my work place. I have spent the day before the Lord.

This morning, I prayed about my "C" verse and so many came to me that I really did not know what I felt Him calling to to ponder. This evening, I know why. He waited until I needed the verses.

I have two "C" verses for today.

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.
Matthew 11:28

Create in me a pure heart, O God,
and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
Psalm 51:10

For More ABC's of the Word
Grey Like Snuffie

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Best Piece of Advise This Week

This came to me from a friend this week.

Life is too short to wake up with regrets.

Love the pople who treat you right and forget about the ones who don't.

I am trying!

And I am so blessed to have so many people who do treat me right...with love, mercy, and grace. Such godly friends and family He has given me. Even you all, my bloggy friends. Thanks for the many prayers and encouraging words!

And the ones that are not acting in godliness...

I think I will just let Him have them........

Love you all!


Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Forget Not

It is Yes to God Tuesday and the title of Chapter 5 in the book Self Talk Soul Talk is
Look Back: Forget Not His Benefits, O My Soul.

Timely is this chapter for me. Some of you may be aware that I am in "recovery" and am currently working on what recovery programs call step work. Currently, I am working on...

Step 4 - Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
And my prayer for my group last week was that I would be able to find the difference between remembering for the sake of healing - - - and obsessing. I had not read this chapter at the time of this request, but isn't God good that He answered my prayer before I even prayed it?

Due to where I am currently in my life, my walk with God, the things He has brought me through and what He is teaching me, there are many, many things in this chapter that spoke to my heart. Certainly, I don't want to bore you with repeating all that was written in the book (after all, most of you reading this post have read the chapter too!), so I will TRY to condense what God has shown me - this time.

Milestones. I had not always thought of ALL of my memories as "milestones". Somehow, I had not realized that all memories can become milestones, if we refer back to them as a chance to mark progress and keep on the right path. Jennifer writes, "Remembering is essential to the health of our souls. So we must tell our souls to look back often."
But what was additionally helpful for me to hear was, "Tell your soul to look back only to what is profitable." You see, I don't have any trouble looking back, but it is not always healthy. I look back and regret, look back and wish, look back, look back, and look back.
Going forward I will keep in mind that:
Profitable memories are those that add to your soul wellness rather than subtract from it.
Profitable memories contribute to your personal depth and understanding.
I am having to work through some of those painful memories in this inventory that I am taking. God answers my prayer regarding the balance between healing and obsessing is in these words of Jennifer's, "If you don't label a painful memory with meaning, it will retain a negative connotation. It will be stripped of its potential profit and simply fall into the negative or neutral category in your thought closet if you don't label it with meaning."
So, today, I have a new prayer. I am asking God to guide me to profitable memories and asking Him to help me wisely assign meaning to my milestones. And oh how I look forward to being able to see things through His eyes, the painful and yes, even the pleasant!
Forget Not.
One of my favorite Psalms is Psalm 103. God imprinted it upon my heart when I was having some infertility problems and I desperately wanted to try and have a baby girl. (we did, by the way!) This passage comes up in my life at times in my life when I really need to turn negative (or potentially negative) situations over to Him. It is so with what I am walking through today.
Fortunately, I remember how He has used this verse, because I do journal. I can go into my thought library and pull those stories off of my shelf and remember all that He has done before.
I also loved how Jennifer brought up meditating. We all meditate, some of us with more purpose than others, but we do meditate. The warning about "lethal meditation" is such a good reminder for me. I have been guilty of fixating on memories that are unprofitable. This is lethal.
So, I am remembering. But as I remember, as I evaluate and inventory, I will check and see if what I am remembering is profitable. And for the memories that have no assigned meaning...I am praying and asking. God will reveal the profit behind all things. He has done this with some really difficult things before, I know He can do it with the memories that I am giving over to Him as I type this post.
Praise the LORD, O my soul;
all my inmost being, praise his holy name.
Praise the LORD, O my soul,
and forget not all his benefits-
who forgives all your sins
and heals all your diseases,
who redeems your life from the pit
and crowns you with love and compassion,
who satisfies your desires with good things
so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.
Psalm 103: 1-5
Thank you, Lord!
Blessings, Friends,
For more on Self Talk Soul Talk visit Lelia.

Monday, February 23, 2009

Yes, I go to the Village Church

I love it!

My friend Teri @ A View From The Mountaintop, posted a quick video on her blog today. The clip is taken from part of a message that Matt Chandler gave at the Desiring God pastors conference just a couple of weeks ago.

She sweetly linked my blog to hers because she knows that I attend Matt's church, The Village. She and I both share a love of his style and the down to earth way that he speaks the truth!

Today, I have had a few people ask, "Do you go to Matt Chandler's church?"

The answer is Yes.

And he is just as good every weekend as he was at the Desiring God conference.

I am so going to email him (or tell him face to face) all the hooplah that I am getting on MY blog about him! He will get a kick out of it.

Actually, he is very humble. But I will tell him anyway.

So, for those of you who wonder what in the world I am talking about, go check it out on Teri's link.

Or go check Matt out on the church web site.... The Village Church

The messages are podcast weekly.

Some of you know, as friends, or long time readers, that I have been dealing with some wounds that came of being part of a church that was not functioning properly. Some things happened that caused me to almost give up on the "organized" church all together. God is so, so good. He moved me to Texas and gently moved my husband and our family into life at the Village Church. Matt calls me a "Recovering Skeptic". Between his fabulous teaching, the godly home group that I am a member of, the redeeming recovery ministry that is part of my church...and OF COURSE, God's word and Holy Spirit, my passion for the church has returned ten fold!

What a blessing to be a part of this fellowship. And how fun that I have made a sweet connection with a friend, across the country, who loves my pastor almost as much as I do! are so cool!

I lift up Matt, and all the other pastors who are doing your work. Protect them and use them.


Saturday, February 21, 2009

So Full

Have you ever just had one of those days when you are so full that you feel like emotions are just oozing out of your heart?

My day has been like that.

And I sit here, screen in front of my weary, weepy eyes with too many words, heart bubbling over like soup left behind on high on the stove.

What do I do with this?

My Step Study class is taking me right where God wants me. I rejoice over that, but it hurts. I drove, prayerfully, to the church building, early this morning. Tears began to fall as I struggled with memories. You see, I am taking a fearless and honest personal inventory. One that reaches deep into the depths of who I am, who I have been, and who God wants me to be. I sat down in the class room, streaks on my cheeks. This is a place for honesty, safe. A group of other women seeking God with all their hearts to recover from brokenness that only God can repair. Honesty trickled from my lips as I shared with two others before the start of class. I read answers that I had written on my sheet (we can only answer if we have written), answers that I took the time to dwell on and to pray over, even sat alone in a coffee shop to give dedicated thought to some.

I listened to others. God stretched me, tugged on me, showed me things that I needed to see. It was me and Him this morning, talking. The other 20 in my group (and the 400 in the Recovery Class at large group time) were fuzzy, even invisible, as I sat, just me and my Lord. I asked for prayer; the ability to evaluate for the purpose of healing and not obsessing. And I sat quietly to face the consequences of my sin. The loss of friends. Reputation. I wrote note on my journal to friend sitting next to me, "I feel like a bad person." Her arm around me, my tears and my head on her shoulder. She said, "You are not." I said, "I know." I was full.

My impatience to return home to my dear husband was filling me with emotions that have been dulled for a while. The safety of being in his arms, in his presence. "What is this?", my head was asking as my heart declined a lunch offer with friends to be home with my beloved. A fullness filled me that I had thought was hardened. Feelings rekindled and I was full.

Off again to a play, with friends. My eyes are still quick to fill, my heart is still bursting with emotion. I am eager, anticipating time with these friends - the one's that God has put in my life to "do life with." I have held back a little the past months - afraid. Friends are scary, they hurt. They aren't to be trusted, especially the one's from church. God speaks to my heart in the car and says, "Trust me." Deep breath and into the group I go.

We are seeing a play on the first 10 chapter of Genesis. I share that I am feeling "full", weepy. Another shares her morning; weepy and angry, and another struggling also. My confession comes. God has just brought me face to face with my sin...again. This time repentance is Godly and I am unable to shake how unworthy I am. I am full.

To see the live production of the Beginning was amazing. The performance was captivating. Scripture, verbatim. In Hebrew, some. Naked, some. My soul was rejoicing, "I know that God!" "He is my God!" I wept and I laughed and then wept some more. I knew this God, and He loved me. I was full.

Dinner, relaxed and unhurried. Testimonies, planning, dreaming. Honest sharing between friends. Trust. Do I, Father? Can I? They don't know me. They don't know where I have been. I hear Him say, "Trust me." My eyes fill. My heart softens. Honesty trickles from my lips, fearfully, but willing. No gasps from my friends, no eyes fall on the table. Just love. I am full.

I make a trip to the movie rental store on the way home. It is family night for my hubby and daughter and me. The movie we picked was already gone, so I grabbed a different one in hopes that my family would approve. It was a movie based on a book that had been given to me by my former best friend, the one who I mourn, the one who I have lost as a consequence of my sin (and hers).

Can I do it? Can I watch it and not hurt too badly?

My husband, a skeptic, my daughter reluctant...we all sit down to watch The Secret Life of Bees. We are pulled in to the story of hurt and of love. We cry and we cry some more. And we are grateful for our love. We are full.

As I prepare my mind for a night of rest, my heart is full. My eyes they still leak with the over abundance of emotion that fills my heart this day. These random thoughts, now recorded..."dumped" as my son would say, on whoever chooses to read this unedited, totally unprepared post from my heart. The journey of my heart continues.

Today, God has shown me how much He has done for me...ME! He revealed to me the depths of His mercy even though the consequences of my sin remain. I will not be able to go back and make right some of the things that are past. But, He gives me hope like I have never experienced before. I know, I know, I KNOW, that I am not the same.

I am so full.

Friday, February 20, 2009

Friday Fill Ins

1-3 are courtesy of Mar this week. we go!

1. Give me the chance and I'll show you how God has changed my life.

2. Whenever I feel down, God always give me something that lifts me up.

3. I wish that people were more forgiving and less willing to let relationships go because of hurt . It is always worth it to work on things when there is still love.

4. Chocolate pie was the last thing I ate that was utterly delicious.

5. To live in this world I must look forward to not having to stay here; there is a better place coming.

6. Other than this one, Gail W @ Job 19:25 He Lives. is the last blog I commented on.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to shopping for a gift and hanging with my husband, tomorrow my plans include the same Recovery Step Study class (every Saturday) and then a play- In The Beginning- at Dallas Theater Center with friends, and Sunday, I want to attend church, and then have fun at a wedding shower that will be a joy to celebrate and be a part of!

See Friday Fill In's for more fun fill in the blanks!

Thursday, February 19, 2009

ABC's of the Word - "B"


Blessed are the poor in spirit,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Blessed are those who mourn,
for they will be comforted.

Blessed are the meek,
for they will inherit the earth.

Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
for they will be filled.

Blessed are the merciful,
for they will be shown mercy.

Blessed are the pure in heart,
for they will see God.

Blessed are the peacemakers,
for they will be called sons of God.

Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Matthew 5:3-10

For more ABC's of the Word,
visit Grey Like Snuffie

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Calm Down: I Have Stilled and Quieted My Soul

Even the chapter title of Chapter 7, Self Talk Soul Talk causes me to take a deep breath and pause.

A counselor once told me that, on a scale of one to ten, (one being "calm", ten being "spun up") she thought I might always function at about a six. I agreed.
Since that conversation somewhere around ten years ago, I have spent much time practicing "Calm Down". Seasons of this work have been spent allowing the Lord to still and quiet my soul, but other seasons have been spent like a volcano, erupting at every disturbance.

This chapter speaks to the very heart of my thought closet.

Seventeen months ago, I began doing things differently in regard to anger in my life. Between months seventeen and thirteen, I failed quite a few times. The result? It seemed like insanity. It felt like I was out of control. I was, but it was not myself who needed to reign me in, it was God. In February of last year, an incident took place in my life where He finally got my attention, my total and complete attention. My life has not been the same since, to His glory. My anger was out of control, my words hurt in ways that still ring in my ears, and now, whenever I feel that little rise of anger, I nearly drop on my knees in prayer. Only He can keep me on the right path, only He has control of all things, and I surrender to Him.

I love the list that Jennifer published...the things that we DO have control over. Being one who has big issues with control (still a work in progress), I recite to myself often that I only have control over two things, my attitude and my location. Jennifer's list is a little more detailed and very helpful.
  • We have control over our own attitudes.
  • We have control over our responses to circumstances.
  • We have control over our choice to seek God.
  • We have control over our determination to be still before Him.
  • We have control over our choice to acknowledge that He is God - and we are not!
So, back to my thought closet.

The thoughts I am looking at in this chapter are the ones that hinder me from having real peace.

The negative mind-set.
I love the illustration of anger producing circumstances as forming a bridge; a bridge to take me somewhere else and allowing for progress and new vistas along my journey.

Anger over adversity.
I don't like adversity but it is a part of life. The serenity prayer comes to mind here.
Grant me the serenity to accept the things that I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.

When I pray this prayer with sincerity, it does bring peace in times of adversity. I like what Jennifer says, "Ask God to help you embrace what you can't avoid, accept what you don't like, and channel you passion into wise responses."

And then stubborn defiance.
I have wasted too many years being angry over things that I had no control over. And even though some of those situations were truly wrong, I was defiant when I did not allow God to handle it and I tried to take the situation into my own hands. WHEW! The truth is A-N-G-E-R really is only one letter short of D-A-N-G-E-R. I have lived it. Don't want to go back. When defiance rears it's ugly head, I dump that garbage as quickly as I can. Lesson learned here, but always praying against it in the future.

I have used and received my share of gasoline words...the ones that fuel the fire of anger. Gasoline words do make things worse. Oh, Lord, let me not use these kind of words when I talk to others or when I talk to myself. Let me use the soothing words of water, gentle words, healing words, and words that cleanse.

Seventeen months ago, I made a serious decision to do things differently. I have spent too many years doing the same thing and expecting different results. And even though I sometimes fall and fail, I am ready to change things up, to really give God control of these thoughts and to experience the PEACE that only He can provide.

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. John 14:27

For more on Self Talk Soul Talk, visit Lelia at Write From The Heart.

Monday, February 16, 2009

Wishes and Dreams

In my dreams she is there, never seeing-
her eyes will not look
her heart is now closed.

My memory is crisp as a cold winter morning-
takes my breath away
her voice and her laughter.

For many years we traveled best friends-
we played like young girls
shared our deep thoughts.

I sat in her presence when the counselor revealed-
"He is abusive, you know"
the words stuck in the air.

My mind ran in circles wondering what should I do-
watch pain in her eyes,
the change in her soul?

Each day she was sad and more grieved-
her laugh was now strained,
and truth became lies.

The green in her eyes turned dull with the pain-
the smile was infrequent,
the singing was strained.

In my desperation I lost the freedom to love-
My judgment was winning,
Respect all but gone.

My anger toward God became all that I had-
Wanting truth to be told,
So healing could come.

But God did remind me that vengeance is His-
Only He was the one
to convict of the sin.

I made some grave errors that turned things around-
the friendship now over
betrayal has won.

I still can see her- the pain in her eyes
the sound of her voice,
her hand touching mine.

God has so changed me and taught me from this
I'm not the same person
My forgiveness from Him.

My heart will forever pray blessings each day
that God will reveal
reconciliation some day.

God is so good-more friends He provides
to love and to cherish
to hold and protect

He fills up the hole of the one once so dear-
Forever I'll love
even though she won't hear.

Sunday, February 15, 2009


Once upon a time, before the world began,
God decided you would be born.
He decided that I would be your mommy and that daddy would be your daddy.

We had been praying for many years
for a little girl just like you.
We named you Rebecca Krisanne
and knew you were the most beautiful girl in the whole wide world.

We loved you and cared for you, even though you cried a lot.
Only at first and then you started to smile.
Your big blue eyes would twinkle
and your smile would grow fast and big! The love of my life.

We played Barbies and Beanie Baby's day after day.
You loved to swing and swing, your blond hair flying
behind you and then in front of you.
I watched, and watched and loved you with everything.

School started and you loved to learn.
Your questions were thoughtful.
"Mommy, why are some people brown and some people pink?"
"Mommy, why do boys act louder than girls?"
"Mommy, why do we work at home when we are finished with school?"

The questions you pondered were about how the world works,
accepting that learning was part of it.
Two plus two equals four was easy to grasp,
But why's of unfairness turned around and around.

Your heart for people has been clear from the start.
Always a friend to the one who was friendless.
Loyal and kind and loving.
God gave you a heart that loves big and loves fair.

Watching you grow into a lovely young woman
has been the one of the sweetest things in all of my life.
Your beauty is pure, your heart is genuine.
You love Jesus, our God, and talk to Him often.

You make me smile when I feel sad
And sometimes your honesty can make me real mad.
But my heart sings when you laugh
Because you are my child.
One more year and you drive, three more years and you're gone
And before I know it, a woman you will have become.

Every time you turn around, you are one step closer
To being one step further away.

But I pray for you and know that you will do well,
That God is with you.

That the choices that you make will be made
with a heart that seeks after Him.

And you are still beautiful and sweet.
And loyal and true.
And I watch and watch.
And love you with everything.

I hope that you had a wonderful 15th birthday!


Saturday, February 14, 2009

Happy Day of Love

I love Valentine's Day!
And if you have never served your husband dinner in your bedroom, you should try it!
It is crazy romantic!

Today is also my sweet daughter's birthday!
(hence having already celebrated Valentines Day with my sweetie!)

I will post a tribute to my lovely daughter later,
but for now-


Friday, February 13, 2009

Friday Fill Ins we go!

1. It seems like
life is flying by these days!

2. Would you flush when you're done, please?

3. If I thought you needed me, I'd
be right there!

Love is what I think of most when I think of you.

5. To me, Valentine's Day means it is my daughter's birthday

God gives me strength.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to spending time pampering my husband for Valentines celebration, tomorrow my plans include Step Study Class, my mom is coming, and we are having a birthday party for my daughter, and Sunday, I want to go to the worship service, and spend good time with my family!

Thursday, February 12, 2009

ABC Thursday - the letter A

The word on my heart for the last two days has been ABIDE.
I know Pam used it too, but I have waited all day (almost) for a new revalation...
and God wants me to abide!
My life has been spinning around me, emotions up and down.
I have experienced joy that is new and refreshing.
I am abiding.
Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself unless i abides in the vine, so neither can you unless you abide in Me.
John 15:4
If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you.
John 15:7
Just as the Father has loved Me, I have also loved you; abide in My love.
John 15:9

For more ABC's of the Word
Grey Like Snuffie

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Self Talk Soul Talk - Chapter 6

Look Up: Hope In God, My Soul

Life happens, doesn't it?
And the next thing I know, it is Wednesday!
I had the craziest day at work yesterday (sometimes I have time to post on my lunch break) and then I went to my daughter's mid-winter band concert last night.
If any of you noticed the national weather, we had storms and tornadoes in north Dallas (that is where I live) and so my computer was safely turned off while we listened to tornado sirens and sat in the mini hallway under our staircase.
All is well, no damage, but my Bible study thoughts did not get posted.
I have to confess...
the entire week has been sort of like that.
So, this afternoon, I read chapter 6 while on the treadmill at the gym.
If you read the chapter, you will know the irony of that truth. (more later on that)
So, while I am jogging at 5 miles per hour,
I am trying to imagine myself as a table!
As funny as it sounds, I loved the concept.
We have 4 legs on which to stand on, 4 legs that we need to keep in shape and in good, strong condition to accomplish healthy soul talk.
  1. Emotional Leg
  2. Physical Leg
  3. Mental Leg
  4. Spiritual Leg
All of these must be evenly sturdy in order for us to keep from being shaky and imbalanced. We need these four essential supports to keep an even keel.

All of those "legs" are pretty self explanatory, especially if you read the chapter, so I won't define what they mean in this post, but I did find myself pondering a few things that I want to remember and do something with.

I have spent a lot of time in the last couple of years strengthening my emotional leg. I have experienced some pretty major emotional set-backs, for a lack of a different description.
  • My husband's unemployment.
  • Moving across country, leaving all that was familiar.
  • My mom's tragic accident and three 1/2 year recovery. (it still continues)
  • The death of her husband, my very loved "step" father. (that description does not do our relationship justice.)
  • Leaving our oldest son in Virginia while we moved to Texas.
  • The loss of my best friend - to betrayal.
I don't need to go on.
I have worked hard. Moody is an understatement on how those closest to me might have described me during these times.
I found out the hard way how weak I can become without this table leg's support.

When I left Virginia 3 and a half years ago, I was in pretty good physical condition.
I was exercising regularly and eating mostly healthy.
That "downcast" word effected my desire to continue these good habits when I moved away from all that I was familiar with.
Recently, I have recommitted myself to physical health, thus the irony of reading this chapter as I stomped the time away on a treadmill.

My mental leg.
An interesting topic to ponder.
Recently, I realized that there are some things about my thinking that are just plain broken.
I love what Jennifer says when she wrote:
"If you don't fully strengthen your brain, it will wiggle and jiggle itself just to alleviate the dullness and find a channel for all it's energy."
I didn't know I was bored, but I was.
Way too much idle time caused me to over analyze a lot of things. My thinking became very distorted, negative, and judgmental.
My thoughts began to change my words and also my behavior and one day, I looked at myself and thought, "YUCK! Who are you?"
Luckily, I caught myself and have made some of the changes suggested in this chapter.
  • I am taking Spanish lessons next month.
  • I am taking on some difficult projects at work.
  • I read something challenging every day, even if it is a small reading.
  • I listen to a book on CD while I drive to work instead of mindless nothing.
  • And even this blog has served a purpose here.
But my very favorite...
My spiritual leg.
This leg was becoming very weak for a time.
I was not in a place where I was growing. Time was spent with God daily, but I was stuck.
I had allowed the weakness in the other three areas but this one...
I just could not figure out how to make it better.
I tried to fill my longing with religion, relationships, volunteering, but the ache in my heart continued.
When God literally plucked me out of one situation and plopped me down in this one,
I was face to face with Him.
And it was good.
I yearned for Him.
I cried out to Him.
I prayed to Him.
I worshiped Him.
I screamed at Him.
I sat with Him.
I longed for Him.
And He satisfied.
I found hope again.
My perspective widened.
The story of Minda, with no arms or legs, challenges me to think of all the things I do have!
Why do I focus on what I don't have?
And Helen Keller who never saw or heard?
Or even Bruce who was a quadriplegic....he could not kneel.
Who am I to complain?
What if I could say that my greatest hope was to kneel in heaven some day?

I think I will make a list of all the things I would do if I were not afraid.
That is the only thing that hinders me...well, finances will play into it some,
but I can walk.
I can see.
I can hear.
I can think.
I can hope.

"Hope will ground you, anchor you, and make you unshakable.
And by the way, your thought closet always has room for a little more hope and a lot less despair!"
-Jennifer Rothschild

I am looking up!
I hope you are too!

To read more on Self Talk Soul Talk,
visit Lelia's blog
Write From The Heart

Monday, February 9, 2009


As soon as I met her
I hoped we would click
Her words when she spoke - intriguing
Different than mine, but still right.
Open and chatty, and how I yearned for a friend.
I was new.
Small children and cross country move
My heart was lonely, missing.
She accepted, willing.

Every week we would meet with others
to study, to share and to listen.
We wrote notes not paying attention
And laughed at our childish fun.
Add phone conversations for hours on end.
My phone friend.
Years went by, our children grew.
Our friendship grew, deeper.
My love, unconditional.

Through thick and through thin
In pain and in joy
We journeyed together.
My laughter she smiled and my tears she was patient
Taking time to hear my heart.
Holding my hand.
Her turn came and she pulled away.
I waited and waited
And prayed for the day.

Reunited we were, my joy had returned.
If we made it through this
forever friends we would be
But her pain intensified
My fear jumped outside
My mouth flew right open
Insensitive and wrong.
Apologies poured out
I guess the pain is too deep
I don't want to talk
to you.

I don't know what to say
has never been said
in all of those years and time with my friend.
My heart is in pieces
The lion, he roars
Tells me I am not worthy
"See what you've done?"
But I will not listen.
I know who I am.
And my love is still strong
Unconditional, my friend.

Friday, February 6, 2009


We can expect to feel fear, even dread, at some points in our lives.
We will always have situations that, for a time at least, seem more than we can bear.

I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.
John 16:33

But the clouds will lift. We are never given more than we can handle, and with each passing day we become more at ease with ourselves and all that life, and ultimately- GOD -gives us.

Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.
2 Corinthians 4: 16-18

I am learning "this too shall pass". My confidence, peace and joy increase as my strength in God increases.

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power.
Ephesians 6:10

My loyalty to God increases. My ties to others in my life grow stronger. The "God" ties. The genuine, the authentic pearls.
And I am becoming whole in Him.

May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.
1 Thessalonians 5:23

When I take the time to reflect on who I was and how far He has brought me, I see that the problems that caused me to feel insane, that I allowed to make my life unmanageable, are handled today, sometimes with ease and peace, because of Him. The joy that I experience is deeper and I know that no problem is too great to not be faced. There is no situation that I could possibly come up against will ever have to be faced alone....unless I reject God's help.

And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.
Matthew 28:20b

Lord, I am grateful for my growth in you and even the opportunities that I face today. They are bringing me into harmony for your divine plan for my life. For that I am forever grateful.

There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.
1 John 4:18

Friday Fill In's

1. Please don't tell me that I don't know how to sing - whether I can sing or whether I can't, I will do it anyway! It is so fun!

2. Can you really enjoy s-x in the morning? LOL! I couldn't resist.
3. The color blue makes me want to smile. It is my favorite.

4. I have a craving for sushi and hot tea.

5. If my life had a pause button, I pause it in 1997. My kids were all at a fun age, I would love my husband more, and I would make different choices in friendships.

6. Eyes are the mirror to the soul. I believe it. :)

7. And as for my weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to relaxing with my family, tomorrow my plans include shopping with my daughter and working on a scrap book and Sunday I want to attend a worship service, and relax. (it has been a long week!)

Thursday, February 5, 2009

ABC's of the Word

The verse that I choose to share with you today is one that will always cause my heart to tremble with the Holiness of the Almighty God. The "Z" word, is Uzziah. He became king of Judah at the age of 16 and served faithfully for 52 years. He restored Judah after a long period of decline. He was a successful military leader and likely a hero of his time. I imagine that when he died it would compare to the death of a US President, well respected. So, when Isaiah had this vision, it is commemorated with the recent death of the king. Thinking, still, of yesterday's writing challenge, close your eyes. Imagine the imagry of the seraphs who flew in to announce the arrival of the Lord.
And how many of us have been asked to do something (by God) that we felt unworthy to do?
I know I have. Oh, I love how Isaiah gets past his personal pride and unworthiness and answers in obedience to the Holy One who asked.

In the year that King UZZiah died,
I saw the Lord seated on a throne, high and exalted, and the train of his robe filled the temple. Above him were seraphs, each with six wings:
With two wings they covered their faces, with two they covered their feet, and with two they were flying. And they were calling to one another:
"Holy, holy, holy is the LORD Almighty;
the whole earth is full of his glory."
At the sound of their voices the doorposts and thresholds shook and the temple was filled with smoke.
"Woe to me!" I cried. "I am ruined! For I am a man of unclean lips,
and I live among a people of unclean lips, and my eyes have seen the King, the LORD Almighty."
Then one of the seraphs flew to me with a live coal in his hand, which he had taken with tongs from the altar. With it he touched my mouth and said,
"See, this has touched your lips; your guilt is taken away and your sin atoned for."
Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying,
"Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?"
And I said,
"Here am I. Send me!"
Isaiah 6:1-8

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

I Close My Eyes

Well, I did it. I took the writer's challenge at a blog that I have been lurking around for some time. I found this blog through Laura at Wellblog's place and have been enthralled ever since.

I have dabbled in poetry on and off. Written some invitations, cards, and even a few song lyrics (for fun) but have been hesitant to post any. (roaring lion? see below post)

With the encouragement of a friend, I decided to take the challenge on L.L.Barkat's blog, in a lesson on seeing. I chose a subject that is cherished, a memory that was real and something close to my heart. The beach. Many, many days were spent at the beach in the 12 years I lived on the Southern Virginia coast. The memories are real, and when..........

I close my eyes and I can still see
the beach.

The endless spans of water
Sometimes blue, green, or gray.

It moves
Gently and

Bubbles rise and falling forward.
On and on.

I close my eyes and I can still hear
the crash

Of tidal movement
As earth slowly spins

They thunder
Loud and
Over and over.

I close my eyes and I can still smell
the salt.

The sun warms the waters
Fills the air with sea fragrance.

I breathe
Sweet and

In and out.

I close my eyes and I am free
in Him

His creation excites
The beauty serene

He provides
Thrill and

I close my eyes and trust.

Forever and ever.

For a lesson on seeing, visit L.L. Barkat and try her "close your eyes" challenge.
Photo by me

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Awake My Soul

It is Yes To God Tuesday and time to post on Chapter 5, entitled Tune In: Awake My Soul.

Struggles have occurred all day as I ponder my thoughts.

The roaring lion.

He is here today. He is trying to drag thoughts back into my closet, the ones that I am trying to carry to the dumpster! Sentences from inside my head that are not from God. And I wonder, what has happened? Why am I downcast? Have I, like Jennifer says on page 65, become sleepy and apathetic toward some of my poor choices and negative attitudes?

Or might I have too many distractions? Tasks, yes? It is a busy week for me at work. Pleasures? Oh, yes. I have had much fun the past few days! Fear of failure? Oh, this is a big one for me. It can sometimes paralyze me. The list of distractions continues. It is good to hear Jennifer remind us that not all distractions are sinful, but when we allow them to keep us from our treasures, they become stumbling blocks.

My treasures. I want to keep my treasures front row, center! And I can do this by talking to my soul! Good news!


The roaring lion visits.

This chapter reminds me to remain alert! Even though the lion roars, if I have become sleepy, or complacent, or distracted, I might not be aware that he has approached.


Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith.
1 Peter 5: 8-9a

My weapon against the lion is the word of God!

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.
Eph. 6:10-18

Timely is my decision this month to memorize more of God's word. His words will battle and WIN the roaring lion's words that threaten my soul. The one that I selected for the first part of February is making more sense today!

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
Philippians 4:8


For more on Self Talk Soul Talk, visit Lelia at Write from the Heart.

Monday, February 2, 2009

Tag, I am IT

I was just tagged by my buddy, Carol

Here are the rules of the tag:

1. Go to the section of your computer where you store all of your photos.

2. Select the 6th folder.

3. Select the 6th photo from that folder.

4. Post and explain about that picture.

5. Tag 6 other people

This is a picture that I took of my daughter, Rebecca, and her boyfriend, Robert. When this photo was taken, they had only been "going out" for a few weeks. They still don't "go out" since the only time they spend together is with our family or his.
(they don't even go to the same school)
The picture was taken last spring sometime, probably May 2008.
They both look a lot older now, but especially Robert.

I am not going to tag anyone, but feel free to play along if you want. Let me know if you do so that I can come visit your 6th folder, 6th picture post!

Hiding His Word

In the year 2009, I have committed to memorizing at least 24 verses from the Bible. I have to admit, scripture memory is not something that comes easily to me, and even though I know and believe all of the benefits of having God's word just a thought away (instead of having to pick up my big, fat, gray Bible), I have struggled and struggled with having good success.

All credit to God, I have managed to memorize 3 verses so far. They sometimes come out a little paraphrased, but they are close. Even my husband and my daughter have joined in. They see the verses posted all over the house and will spontaneously call to me, "Say Psalm 143 verse 9 and 10 - NOW! And I must recite immediately. It is really hilarious, but I don't want to get caught not knowing it at all!

So, the first two weeks of February, I am going to work on one of my very favorite passages. It is one that I have tried to memorize before because I need it so badly. Every time I have tried, I can get part of it, but not all of it. Or the words will get out of order. Determination again! I am going to memorized Philippians 4:8.

Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy, think about such things.

Phil. 4:8 NIV

I desperately need this verse. It accompanies well the on-line Bible study that I am doing too, Self Talk Soul Talk. One of my character flaws in negative thinking. So, knowing that God is the ONLY way that I can make any changes in myself, in my thoughts, I thought I would memorized the instructions that He provides for my thinking patterns.

If you are curious about the almost 1600 women that are memorizing together, go check out
Beth Moore and the LPM Blog
You will be blessed!

Have a day full of God thoughts!

Sunday, February 1, 2009

A Good Word from Beth Moore

God's new testament math specializes in addition and multiplication, not subtraction and division.

I know, Father, according to Your word, that if I judge others, I too will be judged, With the same measure I use it, it will be measured to me. (Matt 7:1-2)
When I want so badly to judge or condemn or refuse forgiveness to another, I can hear Your Word speak to my heart, saying, "If you are without sin, be the first to throw a stone at them."
(John 8:7)

Help me to speak and act as those who are going to be judged by the law that gives freedom, because judgment without mercy will be shown to anyone who has not been merciful toward others. Mercy triumphs over judgment! (James:12-13)

~Beth Moore Praying God's Word Day by Day, February 1