Betrayal vs New Songs

My pastor, Ed Young, is doing a sermon series on the topic of betrayal. He began last week and even though I had many obstacles to overcome in order to attend last weeks service, I made it to the final Sunday night service. I suspect that Satan may have been reeking havoc on my schedule on purpose since I really wanted to go and hear what Ed had to say about this topic.
I was so curious to approach this topic from a personal standpoint, that I looked the word up in the dictionary. Here is Webster's definition of the word

BETRAY
transitive verb
1: to lead astray; especially : seduce
2: to deliver to an enemy
3: to fail or desert especially in time of need <betrayed his family>
4 a: to reveal unintentionally <betray one's true feelings>
b: to disclose in violation of confidence <betray a secret>
intransitive verb: to prove false

I intentionally studied my own life in effort to prepare for the upcoming messages. When I got to that first service, my pastor encouraged all of us to allow betrayals to come to mind. He even asked us to to think of the names and events. Oh, I was not liking this at all.

You see, I regularly struggle with feelings that come from a series of betrayals . I have studied book after book, talked to various counselors, and prayed until I am blue in the face over this one particular issue. I despise betrayal. In my life, I have experienced enough situations to last a lifetime of feeling like I was lead astray, or I was delivered to an enemy, or I was deserted in a time of need. I have had information about me revealed unintentionally and also had my confidence violated.

When I was a child, I felt betrayed by my biological father. He and my mother divorced when I was very small. I didn't think he cared much about me since he didn't spend much time with me when it was his "turn" to have me. When my mom remarried, he (easily?) gave up his parental rights so that her current husband could adopt me. It turned out to be a good thing, but it was the first circumstance of betrayal that I worked through. It was tough being very young and not understanding these things. This situation most likely assisted in the creation of a character flaw in me that still threatens to steal my joy for life.

Throughout my life, I have had to work on the pain that comes with being betrayed. My first instinct is to hate, to get revenge, to hurt that person more than they hurt me. I know I am not a Godly person by nature...in fact I am one of the worst of the worst when it comes to to reacting to betrayal. But, since I decided to let God run my life, I quickly found out that my natural way of dealing with hurt was not His way. I heard what He said about forgiving others and He even gave me opportunities to put my belief into action. He was kind and gentle and started out with small assignments. Forgotten phone calls, missed birthdays, being left out of things that I wanted to participate in.

But as I grew in my relationship with Him, He started to hit me with some big things. I made it through of few of those and then He refining got even deeper. I have been betrayed in ways that still make my stomach turn and my head spin. I have trusted and loved people, given my heart and revealed my true self only to be rejected, talked about, hated and slandered. (by fellow church members, trusted friends and one whom I loved like family) These most recent betrayals threw me in a pit that I thought I would never get out of.

GOOD NEWS! Through betrayal, I have learned how to pray for myself. I have learned that betrayal is always rooted in envy and jealousy. I have also learned that the only way to combat betrayal is loyalty. Loyalty to God and loyalty to the people in my life. I will never be betrayed by God, He is loyal. I will never betray someone who I am loyal to. Which brings me to another thing I have learned about betrayal....there is an UP side! Can you believe that? When I have been betrayed, I have always been able to turn around and see who has my back. These are my true friends. These are the people I trust. I can see, as Ed put it, the difference in the posers and the players. The players in my life are the ones on my team. My husband is one of these and he has stood by me through the most difficult of betrayals. My best friend is another one. God continues to bless me with real relationships who imitate God, love as He does, forgive as He does, teach, extend mercy and grace and never give up! I don't need those betrayers! I have REAL friends!

I have learned that I there is a way to live and learn through betrayal. I have committed myself to being on guard against becoming the betrayer.

I waited patiently for the LORD;
he turned to me and heard my cry.

He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand.

He put a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear
and put their trust in the LORD.