The Ugh of Emotions, The Aah of God

Have you ever had some one say something to you that normally should be no big deal, but your heart responds with a flood of emotions that catches you completely off guard? Your mind tells you, "Get a grip! This is not a problem!" or if you are a woman, you might evaluate the status of your cycle, especially if you are prone to wicked PMS like I am. But no matter how your mind tries to rationalize the fact that what was said is OK, your heart is still beating a mile a minute and some sort of emotion has just seized your ability to act like the adult you know you should be?

This happened to me last week. A friend was passing along very normal, everyday information and I flipped out. I experienced what counselors describe as a misdirected emotional response due to a past experience, usually negative. A "primary" emotion, if you will. The emotion that surfaces is the primary emotion that one experienced in this similar, most likely painful, happening in the past. It is difficult for some of us to eliminate these responses from our reactions when anything similar occurs that reminds us of the past experience. It is a triggered response.

Even though I am aware of this particular quirk in human behavior, it doesn't make it that much easier for me to deal with at times. I have the tools, after all, I was in an intensive marriage workshop when I first became aware of this emotional phenomena. The workshop probably saved my marriage...somehow I managed to use the tools with my husband, but I can't quite figure out why I have such a difficult time with other relationships that trigger a similar reaction. I've read the material and tried to reapply it in this other relationship. I even researched and discovered the book that the workshop was modeled after. (Harville Hendrix- Getting the Love You Want...GREAT BOOK!), I have read the book over and over, reapplying the principals to other relationships but this one relationship has me at the end of my primary emotion rope!

Now, the person who triggered the response knows me well enough to know that I have clammed up, pulled away, and probably thinks that I am angry. In the past, anger is what would have been expressed, but I know the anger is a cover up for bigger and deeper emotions. I am determined to deal with the REAL issue at hand-the primary emotion that I battle with, the one that pushes me beyond all mature- and even Godly- responses and tempts me to act like a baby or maybe as old as a 7th grader?

Three days have been spent so far in serious evaluation and soul searching and time with God. I also did what many" girly girls" do when they feel depressed and like a failure at life...I went shopping with a girlfriend. Luckily, I picked one who loves me no matter what...been friends for almost twenty years. She knows about this primary emotion of mine and tiptoes around the things that might cause it to flare up but she will also confront me straight out if I am acting unreasonable. She was understanding and pampered me through my bad mood. Even went with me to see the movie I wanted to see, forfeiting her first choice. (we saw Juno...fantastic movie...a whole different blog post on that one) I cried on and off through out the day, but new clothes put a smile on my sad face.

The following day, still weepy and unreasonable, I attended the worship services at my church. Remember? I have already mentioned that my pastor is doing a message series on Betrayal. I sat through the message and God spoke to me. "You feel betrayed by this person......" I sat, dumbfounded and realized He was right. (isn't He always??) Well, ----! I don't want to think about this. So, I went home to take a long winter nap, hoping I would feel better when I woke up. But, with all this soul searching going on, I decided I should text a friend or two (the prayer/accountability kind) and arrange a coffee date for the afternoon. I texted..."Bummd. Coffee @ 3?" And pronto, I had a date!

After a two hour nap, I arrived at the neighborhood Starbucks and met my friend. I was still weepy but ready to be honest about what a big fat baby I was being. So, I announced, out loud for all Starbucks to hear, "I am jealous because......" (completing the sentence) expecting her to roll her eyes or laugh out loud or ...something. But what she did do is reassure me. She listened to me. She told me that I was not crazy, that she would likely feel the same way in my shoes. She thought I had been betrayed, I had been hurt, and however I chose to deal with it, she would pray for me and encourage me. (and then asked me an accountability question that was related, but unrelated...in which I could answer in God's way!! Hooray! And thanks for asking!)

James 5:16 says, Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.

All of this to say, blessings from God pop up in the most unexpected places and during the most necessary times. I really am dealing with some tough stuff. Some days I just want to give up and throw in the towel. But every single time I get real with God and get real with someone He has placed in my life to walk this journey together, I am amazed at the blessings of answered prayer. I still have to work on this primary emotion. And I feel exactly the same way I did when I heard the words that moved me into hopelessness, I know that emotions are just feelings. They pass. I have all I need. I am being refined and prepared for what God has in mind for my future. He will grow me and teach me as I learn to respond appropriately to things that have hurt me in the past. He has given me people in my life to walk this walk with me.

My God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.
Phil 4:19

I disgust myself with my shortcomings and this has been one of those situations. However, I am grateful that they occur because I learn how to respond better and better as time goes on. Even this time...I started out feeling sorry for myself and moping, then I went shopping, then I sought God, took His advice, asked for prayer and accountability and realized He has the whole thing in His control.

Teach me good judgment, wise and right discernment, and knowledge, for I have trusted Your commandments.
Psalm 119:66

Blessings,
~Liz

(thanks, Angela)