The pit of my stomach churned with discomfort.
"You are just mean."
"No, you just ask annoying questions."
"When you say something to someone that makes them want to cry, I think that is mean."
This was the final exchange before making the decision to simply shut up.
She knew I was upset. So was she. And the "annoying" question? One regarding a comment that was on facebook.
I finally asked how she (at 16) became so mature. So mature that "things" that gnawed at me didn't seem to phase her. "Things" like being left out of plans where she was originally included. Just "things".
And I, again, was face to face with my maturity...or lack thereof.
The last two weeks in my Alanon meeting, we have discussed maturity. It all started when reading a pamphlet that included a "Checklist for Evaluating Our Maturity" Since "maturity" was not really the topic of that one particular meeting, we (the group) didn't stay there, but the facilitator for the month thought it would be beneficial to spend an entire (future) meeting evaluating maturity. So, the following week, our entire meeting was dedicated to evaluating maturity. Since that meeting, I have been given plenty of opportunity to do just that.
And I decided that in some areas, my 16 year old is more mature than I am! I said, IN SOME AREAS...but still, it is bewildering and humbling. Certainly, in the area of "feeling left out", she is way more mature than I am. So, I have had to revisit some of the circumstances and some of the reasons that I do not handle "feeling left out" well. (or with maturity)
I am grateful for God, who gives me opportunity to search myself and see where I can become willing to have Him change me and grow me. I am grateful for a program which gives me opportunity and tools to take inventory and give God the go ahead to remove my defects of character. To help me behave like a mature adult. And to admit to my 16 year old that her mom still has some growing up to do.