Just over a year ago (by two days) I sat on an airplane leaving my former "home" in Virginia; my second visit after my move to Texas, at that time, 3 years ago. It was a day full of sadness and pain that words could not possibly express, not plain sentences anyway. The prayers that went up that day were certainly interceded by the Holy Spirit as much of what I prayed, there were no words.
Things had changed in Virginia. And I lost the person who had been my very best friend there...the one we, as women, call "BFF" (best friend forever). She and I knew we had a David/Jonathon type friendship. The only thing missing for a while was our "Saul". He showed up and the story played out. On June 24th, I was David, behind the rock. And I left, never to be seen again. Yes, friends, the friendship had to end. My "Saul" was ready to kill the friendship...and he did.
(to read the story of Jonathon and David, go to 1 Samuel 18 in the Bible.)
A poem flowed from my heart as I sat on that airplane and I posted it on this blog. It came to mind today as I pondered and prayed for my friend, and the one's who also I once was close to. I find myself sad, but praising God for the way He has healed my heart since the day I wrote these words. I still hope for reconciliation some day.
A fire burns behind me
I run to keep ahead
Those who I once cared for becoming cold and dead
Red and black the flames grow high
Smoke rises in the air
The pain of my unworthiness
Seems more than I can bear
In front of me I see the sun
I long to feel it's heat
The iciness inside my heart has paralyzed my feet
I see the moon, I see the stars
They swirl and dance for me
I see the hole, the big dark hole
Where one star used to be