The sun was bright as we lounged poolside. It was just me and my daughter. I sensed a little agitation in her mood the past few weeks and was eager to spend some time together. So, we sat, side by side in our chairs, eyes closed, yard silent all but the hum of the pool pump and I waited. I waited for a clue, a hint, an opening and it came as she read a text message on her phone. “He’s going to the lake.
(silence)
I was invited but I don’t want to go.”
Praying, I responded,
“Why not?”
She had a pimple. She didn’t want to be in her swim suit in front of his friend.
After a little while, deeper thoughts began to surface and the reason for her moodiness.
Boy trouble.
(sigh)
Through out the day, dialogues continued on and off between the two of them; even a dinner date. By the end of the night, they decided it would be best if they were to break up.
Oh, a broken heart.
And as a mom, my heart broke right along with hers. I cried when she did. I even watched his facebook to see when he would change his relationship status to “Single”. (hers already was)
The next day, I received a text message from my son.
“I didn’t get the job.L”
We had been waiting for almost two weeks in anticipation for him to hear and it was a job that he was really interested in.
Another broken heart.
And mine broke again, too.
Now, I really am a grown up and I know that these things will pass. I do know that God has a plan for my children. I even realize that my 16 year old daughter is probably not going to marry her boyfriend from the 10th grade and I know that another job opportunity will come along for my son. But, my mother’s heart had fallen to the very pit of my stomach. My mind replayed the disappointed and pained words of my children over and over, each time sending waves of pain searing through my soul. Insomnia struck in the night as I lay awake praying, tossing, turning, counting, and wanting them to stop hurting. I thought about the fact that these children of mine were no longer children. Only my daughter lives at home still, but the work of being a mother, the struggle of trying to protect them and let them go at the same time, continues.
(silence)
The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new. ~Rajneesh
The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit
Psalm 34:18
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