Funny, the same old book fit the description perfectly. It had to be purchased.
God does have a sense of humor, doesn't He?
Determination is what He has as He gently pushes me back into places that will hurt, but I know they will help me heal. This particular book was one that I did with several different ladies at different times, in that "old" life. My personal desire would be to not use this book ever again. Memories will be like a flood of things to work through, many of which center around deceit, gossip, and slander. God started something good in that but the evil one has won a few battles as he has damaged reputations and relationships.
But all of those negative things are so overpowered by the wonderful work of God in my life, and in the life of my friend.
In all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose. (Romans 8:28)
My friend had never been in a Christian bookstore before! That was fun stuff...she couldn't believe all the cool things. Her excitement was contagious. She bought her very first Bible and that was really cool. She did not know the difference in the Old Testament and New Testament, she was unfamiliar with the books, chapters, and verses. All of the training that I received in that "old" life was exactly what I needed. I was so prepared, so happy, and so thrilled to help her. I heard about her prayer the night before, asking for Jesus to be her "everything." She talked about how the Holy Spirit brought songs and thoughts and then peace to her mind and heart. And she doesn't even know who the Holy Spirit is exactly!
It has been sad and scary at times to walk the path that I have been on. But God is really moving. He has moved some people and things out of the way so that He can do what He needs to do. He continues to make things clearer and clearer as He and I walk together on this journey.
I love helping people find out how wonderful it is to choose to walk with Him. For some reason, that I will never fully understand, God has given me the gift of sharing my heart...sometimes the hardest parts to share, but I share them anyway, if it will bring Him glory and help someone else understand the depth of His love. If He can love me...if He can change me...If He can give this grumpy, hard hearted woman a heart that bleeds for Him...He can do anything! And it thrills me to see the light come on for another person and make the choice to follow after Him. If He uses me even a little, I am so excited that I can barely stand it.
God can have His way with me, in all things, and in all situations. Lysa TerKeurst expressed what I feel the best when she encouraged me with the words on a comment she made on my blog. She said, "I love doing what I feel is exactly what God made me to do. I'm not perfect but God knew that when He called me. And He still chose to use me."
Those words bring joy and hope to my heart. God made me for Him. His plan for me has sometimes been very clear. I sadly, sometimes, have allowed ugliness to cloud His plan, but my heart sings as the sun is starting to shine, and the path is bright with His light! I am not perfect, but He still chooses to use me.
So be it. I am His.