Wednesday, July 2, 2008

Blessed, Not Bitter

God's presence fills me up today as He surrounds me with people who love me, as He expresses His own love to me, and reminds me of how awesome He is. Words cannot possibly describe the wonderful way He meets me exactly where I am, pulls me up out of the mud, washes me off, and sits me beside Him as His beautiful and dearly loved child.

I have gone through some difficult and trying times, some are the consequences of my own wrong doing and some from others' wrong toward me. My mind wants to try and figure out why these things have happened, but my heart tells me to not worry, my Lord is sovereign. Today, I am not worrying. I might have lost one of my best friends, but I would rather live my entire life without her than to live a single moment lost from God. His friendship and His intimacy satisfy my every desire. His plans and purposes are perfect and He can make good from all things if I allow Him to lead me through. I have no regrets, no wishes that things had turned out differently because I know that I am walking with Him, that He is doing what He needs to do to mold me into the person He plans for me to be. More than anything in this world, I want God's will for my life and God's will for the life of my friend. No matter how He intends on carrying that out, I trust Him with all of my heart to do what He needs to do for it to happen. He gives me love for her and the heartfelt desire to pray for her to blessed by Him every day. I am blessed to have had her in my life.
Walking through this I have come to see how much I am blessed. If ever a day passed that I thought my husband might not love me like I want, it is gone forever from my mind. That wonderful man is loyal, understanding, compassionate, and loves me more than I could ever deserve. My children stand beside me, honoring and respecting me, and loving me through my tears and my laughter. My mother is caring, calling me daily, sometimes twice a day as she knows that I will struggle with feeling alone and abandoned during this time.
And oh, my dear, dear friends. I pray that they will forgive the many times I was blind and unable to see the wonderful gifts that they are to me. Tina, who has stood by me through everything...with mercy, love, and grace. Susan, who prays for me diligently and always checks my progress. Cindy, that no matter how long it is before we talk, she remembers exactly where we left things and catches up. Angela, who I can trust to love me no matter what I tell her, and still knows that I am a child of God. Ashley, who always comes to my defense and truly sees my heart. Lorie who might beat someone up if she found out they were mean to me on purpose. Nancy who is a constant source of support and fun. Kim who encourages me and makes me want to show her that God can pull the best from the most horrid situation. Tana, always kind and sweet, always making me feel loved. Lori, my friend of twenty years who I know will always, always be there even if I am sad, mean, happy, or sick.

The strand of pearls that I wear is genuine. It has been genuine all along.

(See Blog Post)
My prayer for today:

Free me from all of the assumptions that flood my soul. Unwrap my fingers from around my offense. Break the chains off my emotions. Open the prison doors of my indignation & shame. Lead me to a better place. A place where You address all my needs and assure me that You have taken heed of the the things that have transpired. Speak words of comfort to me. And though I may never forget what has happened to me, help me to forgive even as You have forgiven me, in Jesus' name. Amen.

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