Such an awful emotion, but so much a part of life. And I have had enough experience with it to know exactly how it feels for me to grieve.
When I was in middle school, I lost my grandmother and great grandmother in a tragic, fatal tornado. When I was an older teenager, I lost my brother to suicide. The shock was horrible and that caused the grief to seem unbearable. Then my Grandaddy died of a stroke. Three years ago, I lost my mom's husband as a result of a horrible motorcycle accident. He was like a father to me and I grieved a lot. None of these deaths were expected, and some of them so gruesome it made it impossible to think about.
My mom described grief to me, "It feels like you are going to go crazy and it feels like you are going to die."
Totally, I agree.
But I won't. (go crazy or die)
Recently, one of my best friends told me to no longer contact her. When other friends and family ask how I am doing with this, my answer has been, "I wake up every morning feeling like someone has died." I am familiar enough with how that feels to know that the loss of this very special friendship, even knowing some of what went wrong, it still feels like death. It is.
But this past weekend, when I have woken in the morning, I know somebody died and it feels horrible. I am watching my son grieve a man who had become close to him, a friend, and member of the family. I am watching a twenty-six year old woman become a widow and a young infant lose a father. My son's sweet girlfriend, Amy, grieves for a man she loved like a brother and also grieves for the huge loss in her sister's life. And our sweet friends, neighbors, and extended family through our children's serious relationship, grieve the loss of a fabulous son-in-law. This young man was a regular visitor in our home, and he had become very dear to us in the three years that we knew him.
We have all wept, screamed, laughed, and moaned in our grief. And as painful as it is, as much as we want it to go away, it is part of what needs to be done in order to heal.
At times like these, when I feel crazy out of control in my emotions, I remember the old testament days of grieving. They cried out loud, they tore their clothes, they wore sack cloth because they were already so miserable, and they put ashes on their bodies. Yes, yes, and yes, Lord. Thank you for helping me know I am feeling normal with those examples. I am not ashamed of my swollen eyes, the loud cries that I make as I feel the pain of grief. And I mourn with those who mourn - with the family of Jason as they do the same.
Oh yes, grief is a part of life. My heart is heavy tonight as we prepare for the next two days, the visitation and the burial and the Memorial Celebration. Jason was a blessed child of God and his Father was eager to have him home. We will celebrate his life with us.
Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. Matthew 5:4
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. 2 Corinthians 1:3-4
My mom's post on grief