So, when I discovered that there were readers to my blog that I did not "invite", I contemplated making it private, after all, these are my private thoughts. After prayer and reasoning things out with a few people, I decided to continue on as originally designed but with the knowledge that friends and family were reading it. Some chaos has come from this decision since healing is sometimes a process. God is a great surgeon and I give Him all the glory for all that He is doing in that process, yet realizing that He is not finished.
The blog titled "Eyes On Heaven" is a my private journal of trying to keep my eyes on God during a difficult time, that I felt like was hell on earth. The poem Gone is about this also.
And now the time has come to create a new journal, eliminating another part of my life from Liz's Letters. Liz's Letters is the blog used to keep my friends and family current with my life, family, and what God is doing in my life. Also included are friends that I have met through other blog communities and I am enjoying all of these relationships. So, a new set of letters, to the friend who I have referred to on this blog...the one who has given up...is under construction -Letters To A Friend. It will be the outlet to process the hurt of that poorly ended relationship - and Liz's Letter's will move on.
My final post regarding the pain of this friendship comes to mind as I ran across this Psalm in my time with God recently.
Psalm 55 (in part)
And I hurt, like David in the Psalm that I read this morning. His words describe the betrayal of a friend as unbearable. It has felt unbearable for me. When I discovered the lies, I telephoned over and over...maybe 120 times in one day, desperately trying to make sense of what I discovered, not wanting to believe the friend whom I considered my close companion, who I had ministered alongside for many years, would betray me so. She probably feels the same about me as I expressed my hurt and anger through words I hoped would hurt her with the same hurt that she had hurt me.
Calling out to God, in my distress...He hears me. He protects me. He teaches me.
And I trust Him.What I do know is that I am forgiven by God. What I do know is that I will choose to not live with hatred or lack of reconciliation. My amends to her is to honor her request - to not contact her, but I do not agree and I have many unanswered questions. I have no way to tell her this as she has cut off all contact.
So, for the record, for anyone who reads this and to eliminate any confusion (thanks, Adam, for letting me know) this is the entire story of what happened.
My love for her remains as steadfast as the day we became friends. I will continue to pray for her, that God will bless her, her marriage, her children, and her ministry.
Get ready for Liz's Letter's, as it was designed, as it was meant to be...a letter to you, my friends, to share with you the beauty of God, the way He loves faithfully, the way He brings new and exciting opportunities, the questions that He challenges me with and the ones that He answers.