Tuesday, September 9, 2008


So, wow.

I spent the weekend in the Ozark mountains. The weather was cool, even a little rainy for part of Saturday. This was very refreshing for a Texan who has been suffering in desert type conditions for most of the summer. I loved the way the rain seemed to wash away all my grime, all my worry, and all my sadness.

The topic for the retreat was Unity. I wondered how united I would feel. I always feel unity with my mom, who I was with. After all, I am blood of her blood and flesh of her flesh. We share a lot besides our biological unity as well. We share recovery, which was the unity of this retreat. We share love of many of the same concerns and people and although we are very different in many ways, our hearts have the same desire for good and peace and love in the world. That has always united us.

But, I was not with "my" friends, I was with hers. There are many advantages to that. Sometimes, I feel like I have many "mothers", and I like it. I feel doted upon, something that felt good at this time since I have felt very tossed aside by people as a result of my one dear friend deciding she could not remain friends with me. I did feel more united than I expected with the ladies in my "peer" group. Interesting...

Last year, I spent a good deal of time with one of these ladies and felt a nice connection, but not real deep, if you will. This year, God gave me the opportunity to find out more about her, and find out that she is very involved in one of my favorite ministries...one that has been dear to me since the start of my walk with Him, Bible Study Fellowship. Wow, God! Cool! Thanks for giving me that connection. And also last year, I really enjoyed one lady named Cindy, but this year, I realized part of the reason why is because she has many of the funny, "make me laugh" - even at the wrong time (which is always the right time for me) personality traits that my old friend, Ruth, also has. It made the weekend so fun!

And my word?....Lifted. When I selected it out of the basket, I read it and wished for something different...something like, "Healed" or "Joyful" or anything that meant that this trial was over. But no, Lifted was my word.

As the weekend went on, I purposely processed the pain of losing my best friend. I had other things on my heart that I searched and evaluated, but the main area of healing that I intended on focusing on was regarding the end of this friendship. I am still hurt. I found that I had many regrets as I meditated, prayed and sought answers from God who knows all things, heals all things, and makes all things good.


The one thing that I chose to let go of. I wrote my pain on a slip of paper and burned it in a fire. I released balloons into the sky to symbolize my freedom from regret. I knew it would be work, but I also knew that I am capable of letting go and letting God do His work the way He wants to do it.


The trial is not over. But I am lifted by God. As one friend put it, Jesus is carrying me. Yes, He is!

There is still work to be done. I remain hopeful that the friendship will be reconciled and one day that forgiveness that is in place will actually do what forgiveness does and allow for a new start.

Funny...right after I returned home, still pondering being Lifted, a song came on the radio that I have always liked. Interesting that it was recorded by one of the favorite bands of this same friend who I mourn. But God is good and consistent in bringing words that heal and tell me what He needs me to hear.

Check out the words to this song by Audio Adrenaline:

Get Down

Lavishly our lives are wasted
Humbleness is left untasted
You can't live your life to please yourself, yeah
That's a tip from my mistakes
Exactly what it doesn't take
To win you've got to come in last place
To live your life you've got to lose it
And all the losers get a crown

I get down and He lifts me up
I get down and He lifts me up
I get down and He lifts me up
I get down

All I need's another day
Where I can't seem to get away
From the many things that drag me down
I'm sure you've had a day like me
Where nothing seems to set you free
From the burdens you can't carry all alone
In your weakness He is stronger
In your darkness He shines through
When you're crying He's your comfort
When you're all alone He's carrying you

I get down and He lifts me up
I get down and He lifts me up
I get down and He lifts me up
I get down

This valley is so deep
I can barely see the sun
I cry out for mercy, Lord
You lift me up again

I get down and He lifts me up
I get down and He lifts me up
I get down and He lifts me up
I get down


1 comment:

grey like snuffie said...

Wonderful post. Lifted in the midst of life---God is good at that.