Cares, Pacifiers, and Casting

I just returned from Las Vegas. It is the last thing on my mind. So, what is one to do when so much is on your heart that you can't find the words to express anything? I want to share my adventures, but what is really on my mind is my kids. The pain of lost love. Teenage break ups.

My mind goes back to the early years. The thing I most longed for was a full night of sleep. Not having to go to a crib and find a pacifier to place back in crying babe's mouth. "Please, Lord, don't let there be a fever."

Now, I wonder...is she the one he should marry? Will he regret this decision? Or will she remain firm on her decision to break up with him? Will he get moved to Texas like he wants? Like I want? Will she get into Grad school? What about his job in Washington DC?

Night falls, I am in soft and comfortable bed, my husband's soft snore beside me. I want to be at peace, but I am tossing and turning. Visions in my head like nightmares. Thoughts that pop in uninvited. I repeat prayers of surrender to God...over and over. I cannot control these things.

I long to plug a pacifier into crying babe's mouth. I can do that. Baby is stilled, calmed, sleeping.
Life is so much more difficult. Pacifiers are thrown away.

Babies grow up and they have grown up problems. And I am still "mom", who wants to make all the hurt stop.

But pain is part of life. I know that, I have my own hurt. Things that didn't turn out how I had hoped. Betrayal. Rejection. Even regret. Text messages that come with news that takes my breath away. Calling a friend only to have her refuse the call. Abuse. Imprisonment. Jealousy.

I know where the answer is. "Cast all your anxiety on HIM, for He cares for you." 1 Peter 5:7

Cast = "to throw or hurl"

I love that. It doesn't sound like to cast those things on Him has any regrets. Today, I am hurling my worries at Jesus.

Maybe tonight, sleep will come easier.

Maybe tomorrow I will want to write about Las Vegas. Tonight, I am tired from throwing cares away.

I Got A Feeling....

that this is gonna be a good, good year!!!!!! I have great expectations! And I don't make New Year's Resolutions, but I do like goals. And prayers. I know God will answer prayers, and there are a few that I look forward to seeing the answer to, hopefully in 2010. It would be great if love and peace and forgiveness would win out in a few broken relationships. I am still praying. And I am look forward to how my marriage will become more wonderful, as it does every year! My health should improve since I am training for a triathlon. I lost 23 pounds in 2009. I look forward to losing about 15 to 20 more. Completing the Caveman triathlon with a couple of my very good friends is a goal that I am excited to achieve! It is going to be fun to see what God is going to do because I said "yes" to Him and stepped up into Home Group leadership with my church. And my church.... I have to say I am amazed and thrilled to love my church! What a blessing after so many years of being a s...

Gone

A fire burns behind me I run to keep ahead Those who I once cared for becoming cold and dead Red and black the flames grow high Smoke rises in the air The pain of my unworthiness Seems more than I can bear In front of me I see the sun I long to feel it's heat The iciness inside my heart has paralyzed my feet I see the moon, I see the stars They swirl and dance for me I see the hole, the big dark hole Where one star used to be

Behind Those Eyes - Chapter 8

We are completely loved and accepted completely. That is the chapter title this week and it is such good news! It is news that I have heard before, but news that I was glad to hear again. Lisa's story at the end of the chapter touched my heart...you know, the one where she woke up the morning after her prayer asking God to let her know that they were okay. The song in her head, that really was in her heart is awesome. I have had those times. Recently, I have had quite a few. The last few months (years maybe?) have been a little difficult. Some days I have wondered, "Does He REALLY love me?" And then some sort of confirmation will come along, He will let me know that we are okay and my heart sings. His love is gentle. His love is perfect. His love is comforting. And his love is absolutely unconditional. My blog time is shortened this week due the death in my family. My post is short, but honest and heartfelt. This week, I had a couple of conversations with a good...

Liz's Letters

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