Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Behind Those Eyes - Chapters 6 and 7

Happy Tuesday! It is time for the weekly thoughts on the book study Behind Those Eyes. Check out Lelia's blog for more information and look up the author, Lisa Whittle. Good stuff on both of these blogs!

Chapter 6 is entitled, Cosmetics for the Soul. Lisa shared a story about working a part time job at a cosmetics counter. A woman approached, covered, hat, sunglasses and all, because she was hiding horrible scars from burns. Lisa spent around an hour concealing the woman's scars with cosmetics until she felt a little better about what she saw when she looked in the mirror. She used the story to illustrate how we, as women, try to conceal things about ourselves in order to hide the truth and escape rejection from others. This hit home with me when I read it. I will do almost anything to avoid rejection!

Lisa say in chapter 6:
We use concealer - cosmetics for our souls - that will camouflage those places in our hearts that are uglier than we want to see.
I understand. I have done this.

Lisa also suggest that Satan has been lying to us, but that we seem to buy into those lies. I agree. He says, You are too damaged. You are unworthy of love. You have missed it. You'll never have a future. The back yard bully has gone from subtle whispers to outright yells in our ears as he tries to convince us of our complete hopelessness in life...and we believe him.

Oh, and I have believed him. On bad days. But I do know the truth. I know who I REALLY am and I become free and real as I quit trying to cover up, let go of guilt and regrets, and live the truth! God is merciful and fair. And He wants me to be open, honest, and fully satisfied with my life.

I love Psalm 103:1, 5 Praise the Lord...who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagles.

The challenge question for this chapter, Are you currently satisfied or dissatisfied with your life?

I wish I could say that I am completely satisfied. My life is good and in many areas it is satisfying. But there are still areas that I need to turn over to Him. I think I will try the exercise in the back of the book - writing down the words needy, broken, and hurt and defining how I am these things in my life currently. My desire is to give them to Him.

Chapter 7 - The Feelings We Conceal.

This chapter was difficult for me, and I am not going to cover that up. :) If you have read my blog for any length of time, you know that my "best" friendship has disintegrated. The reasons? Insecurity, jealousy, and fear. All the things that Lisa warns about in this chapter (regarding best friendships) is what brought my dear friendship to an end. Both of us. One husband was jealous. This caused deep insecurity because there was always a fear that the friendship would be "forced" to end. (the husband made those threats in angry outbursts) And on and on the insecurity, jealousy, and fear went...until it spun out of control and now the friendship is over.

I don't give up all hope. I have had a glimpse of that wonderful, committed non-jealous friendship that Lisa describes in this chapter. Sometimes, it is what I experienced in that friendship. I know what it is like. And it was beautiful and sweet and Godly. I still long for that UNCONCEALED friendship. And pray that reconciliation will come. And that God will satisfy that desire in my heart - in one way or another.

Once again, I find challenge in the questions in the Bible Study guide of the book. (thank you, Lisa, for putting these in here!)

Have I ever felt the brunt of another woman's jealousy toward me? Oh, yes! And it hurts! Some of it has been revealed on this blog. Some of it has been posted by way of comments. And only out of knowing the truth...that God desires healthy relationships...is what gives me the courage to continue making female friends.

The challenge question is a challenge! What is the most painful feeling for me to conceal? I will have to think about this and get back to you. I think it has to do with this same longing for real friendships. My husband is a wonderful friend and I can go to him with anything. But there is something special about having a "David / Jonathan" friend that makes life more joyful and satisfying.

And I will write that letter to someone I have hurt out of my feelings of insecurity, jealousy, loneliness, or fear. And I will pray.

What a blessing it is to have this blog, to share what is on my heart, to be real with the hurts, the fears, and the joys of this journey.

Thank you for looking behind my eyes, and I look forward to looking behind yours.
Off to read some blogs.........


Cindy said...

I wish I knew you. I wish we lived close. I think we would make good friends because I believe we have a lot in common.

I am going to take some time to get to know you through reading your blog.

Bless you for sharing your heart and your hurt.

Leebird said...

Hi Liz,

I see you are from DFW area...I grew up in Shreveport, LA and drive thru Dallas a few times a year. Lived in Lewisville for a year.

I'm going to join you in writing that letter to a friend who I hurt with my crazy insecurities. This friend had the same problems, and we both just battled against each other over who had it together the best when really neither one of use had it together at all!

I will pray about whether to send it...if I asked my husband, he would say NO WAY because he thinks she's a psycho. So...my question is...if he thinks I should not send the letter, should I adhere to his suggestion even though his wisdom is flawed just like mine? God will show me.

Great to visit your blog. Blessings to you, Lee

grey like snuffie said...

I just got this book in the mail. With my other study right now I'm holding off on reading this but wow, I'm reading such good stuff here about it I'm really looking forward to getting into it. Sometimes I'm not sure there is much real about me. The first 18 years of my life set in some BAD habits that I think I'm more past than not and then I hit a wall and think there is not much worth in this shell. So glad God pointed the way to this book. I think there is some real meat here to be chewed on.

Jill said...

Liz, Thanks for sharing. I appreciate your honesty and feel your pain as you describe the broken friendship. As women I think we've all been there in one way or another and it hurts. I too pray you will see reconciliation. I too am experiencing pain in a relationship, the one with my mom, and it hurts but I trust he has a purpose for the pain.
Blessings, Jill

Kim@Seasons of My Heart said...

Thanks so much for being open, honest, and transparent in your post.

You've truly shared your heart, and you've inspired me...and challenged me in my walk.

Praying that God blesses your heart...for blessing mine.

Darlene said...

Oh, I too had such a hard time with the friendship section. I am still working out some stuff with God, as He teaches me how to be a better friend and choose better friendships. I am learning...

Thank you so much for your thoughts, great post.

Glad to be on this journey with you!

Paula (SweetPea) said...

I can relate to so much of what you said about friendships. Wanting that David/Jonathan friendship. I felt envious when Lisa wrote about her friendship with Colleen. I can't understand how women can be like we are to each other. I spoke of this on my blog. I never really thoughgt about how adult women are worse than teenagers. I've grown to know this by experience in the last couple years.

Thanks for your honesty and your reflection on this.
Sweet blessings,

nothingcanseparateme said...


I don't know how I missed reading your post this week..hmmm

anyhow, I like what you said:

"And only out of knowing the truth...that God desires healthy relationships...is what gives me the courage to continue making female friends."

That courage is hard to muster isn't it? I want the healthy relationships so bad but I am so on my gaurd about every person I meet. I DO believe that God will supply me with that best friend in his timing.

your honesty encourages me to press on,
Hugs & blessings,

Tammy R said...

To have an "unconcealing" friend is special.

I,once had a very close friend for over 20 years,since high school. But then one day things started to changes and that season of my life came to an end.

God did bring another friend into my life,yet not the same.

Pamela (MrsJoeB) said...

I saw a very old newspaper that had an article titled "It is impossible for woem to be friend". I don't beleive that but we seem to play that out in the world. Isn't it amazing how much we all have gone through and yet we can find comfort with each other across the miles. It is good to share and open up with you. You are a blessing.
By the way, love your pic's!!!

In His Graces~Pamela

Carol said...


You share your heart, and it seems that so many of us hear those same lies, and feel those same hurts.

Reading your blog today spoke to my heart, and I too understand the longing for that David and Jonathon friendship.

I'm blessed by your blog and your friendship.