This past week, I found myself reading in James, chapter 4. Many lessons were for me to be found in James 4 this week...
- What causes fights and quarrels among Christians? What has caused me to fight and quarrel?James says it is because we want something and we don't get it. I cannot have what I want. Affirmative. So, I work on my motives and my relationship with God.
- I am challenged to think of where my loyalty lies. Am I loyal to God? Do I really trust Him? Do I really believe that He will provide all I need and satisfy my every desire? Hmmm. Recently, I felt that was not true of God. If it were, than how could He have allowed my best friendship to fall apart? Why did He not intervene when things started to go south? Why? Wrong question to ask. What I do know out of James is God gives me more and more grace. I am not proud of my part in messing things up, humble in that I am willing to admit and apologize for what I have done. He gives me grace.Why do I worry so much about this, as if God is not faithful to His promise? One friend. One situation. Out of many, many friends, and many many situations. So much good in my life and I still choose to focus on the one bad.
Last weekend, as I mourn the loss of ONE single friend, I spent time with my daughter and it was fun, not just mother daughter fun, but real girlfriend fun. We know each other. She is maturing. She can have adult like conversations - at times. I know that we are friends. What a beautiful blessing.
Then I went to Kim's and met her best friend, Christy. I thought it might be painful to see them, to know that they are committed to a 27 year friendship. It is what I wanted with Ruth. (see #1. I cannot have what I want) Instead of sadness, I felt joy and happiness for their success. I felt hope in knowing that God has given me so many friendships. And one of them is going on 20 years...why do I forget about her sometimes? I am sorry, God.
Saturday, I went with a friend from work to the Dave Matthews concert. We had a great time and our friendship went to the next level. We had fun laughing, singing, and dancing, but we also had fun sharing and getting to know one another better. (This night is still a post all it's own, Ya'll. I can't figure out how to tell the story yet, but it was a night to remember!)
Sunday, my new friend, Tricia, came over to swim and hang out with her little boy, Colin. Rebecca babysits Colin, and they have a cute friendship. Both Tricia and I were worn out from and the late night on Saturday (she was at a late night birthday party), so we sat make-up-less and tired poolside. We ate sandwiches and soaked up the sun. It was relaxing and I realized while we were sitting there what a lovely gift God had given me in our new friendship. I just witnessed her decision to walk with God and I will feel forever bonded to her.
Sunday night, I picked up Lori, who has been my constant friend and confidante for almost twenty years and drug her off to a Pampered Chef party in Denton, TX. I realized that she is always there for me, will always be there for me and God has given me a great best friend in her. Off we went to see my friend, Theresa and go to a Pampered Chef party that ended up being held in a Mexican restaurant. Long story, there, Folks, but funny as can be. No matter what I do with Theresa, we laugh the time away. No exception this time.
And if that weekend was not enough, I am leaving tomorrow to San Antonio. My friend, Susan, lives there. We have a fun weekend planned. We are going to hear Beth Moore speak...YEAH! (that will be a blog story all on it's own too!) and them off to do some shopping for Mexican Pottery at Marketsquare. Our Saturday night entertainment is going to the America concert. My favorite song in Junior High was "Sister Golden Hair" and I hope, hope, hope they play it!
So...who am I to worry that I am not worthy of great friends? Who am I to worry over the loss of one friend? I am sad, yes. I miss her, yes. I wish that things were different, yes. I would welcome reconciliation, yes.
But, James 4 reminds me, "Come near to God and He will come near to you...Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up."
I think I am riding on His shoulders today! He has surrounded me with best friends in the midst of losing one...just one.
I am lifted up!
Ready to ride on the wings of my God, having the time of my life! He has given me great friends!
I am off to San Antonio now. Yippee! I am praying that God will continue the work He started when I read Beth's Book, Get Out of The Pit, which prompted the post Genuine Pearls.