Who We Are, Who I Am

For my birthday last year, my best friend who recently ended our friendship, sent me a CD. It is the new Lifehouse CD, Who We Are and she bought it because we both enjoy the band. We had gone to hear them in concert one spring where we stood in the pouring rain, under a blanket, throughout most of the concert. It was hilariously fun and something that I know I will never forget.

In February, when I was so angry with her, I threw the CD out of my car in a catharsis because it was such a gift of love and I was in such pain, I couldn't bear to hear it. I did go back and retrieve it and then I put it away for a while.

Recently though, I started listening to it again. Knowing the song that is playing often on the radio, Whatever It Takes, I suspected that I might be opening myself up to painful feelings, but I also know I must walk through them. Just that song itself tells the story of what I would say to her if she would give me the chance. The chorus says it all:

I'll do whatever it takes

to turn this around

I know what's at stake

I know that I've let you down

And if you give me a chance

Believe that I can change

I'll keep us together

Whatever it takes....

But as I've listened to this CD in it's entirety, really listening to the words, the music, and allowing it to speak to my soul, there is another song that expresses my heart. It is called Broken and the lyrics are:

The broken clock is a comfort, it helps me sleep tonight
Maybe it can stop tomorrow from stealing all my time
I am here still waiting though I still have my doubts
I am damaged at best, like you've already figured out

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain there is healing
In your name I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on
I'm barely holdin' on to you

The broken locks were a warning you got inside my head
I tried my best to be guarded, I'm an open book instead
I still see your reflection inside of my eyes
That are looking for purpose, they're still looking for life

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain is there healing
In your name I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on
I'm barely holdin' on to you

I'm hanging on another day just to see what you will throw my way
And I'm hanging on to the words you say
You said that I will be ok

The broken lights on the freeway left me here alone
I may have lost my way now, haven't forgotten my way home
I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain there is healing
In your name I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on
I'm barely holdin' on to you
I'm holdin' on
I'm holdin' on
I'm barely holdin' on to you