Going Home

Tomorrow my daughter and I will head back to DFW after 5 days of visiting with family and friends. It has been an interesting week for me. I found time to think about some things that I needed to think about. I had a conversation that has needed to happen with a friend of mine who I made amends to. I introduced my daughter to a friend of mine that I have known since I was 12 years old and also to a relative that she didn't even know she had. (that is a blog post all alone) I have cried, laughed, and looked at my life through a different window for a few days and it has been good. I love being able to retreat, to move out of the normal day to day living and see who I am, who I want to be, and what God is showing me from a different perspective. It is as if being somewhere else, somewhere safe, allows me to look at myself as if I am not myself. Odd as that sounds, it is good.
It has not been an easy time in my life the last several weeks. If you have been reading my blog, you know that. Those of you that know me are even more aware. It has been so difficult at times that I haven't even been able to write about it on this blog, it is too deeply personal. Although I am not usually shy with my struggles, there has been little to really write about since I am in the midst of it. But this time away has given me a chance to gain some fresh perspective. I have had a new understanding of what is important to me. I have a new determination to work on some things that I need desperately to work on. And I pray that God will give me the strength to keep the momentum that it will take for me to do the things that I need to do.

-Physical fitness is high on the list. I began exercising, just in January, along with all the other New Year's resolution folks. And even though it was not a resolution of mine for 2008, the sales were good at the health club, so I committed. I am determined to keep it up!

-My marriage is a big priority. I love my husband and I believe that over all we have a wonderfully satisfying marriage. But there is always something to work on. I have a list of 3 things that I am determined to do to for the sake of making my marriage better. And I refuse to get discouraged just because they are hard. My husband and I are worth it.
-Family. I am leaving this visit with an interesting view of family. I spent time with my biological uncle whom I have not seen since I was in Middle School, and that was only one short visit. My sister seems to be upset with some things that have happened in our family and I missed seeing my niece this time around. I did not know that this would hurt so badly. I am determined to make the most of the time that I have with my family and do what I can to stay close. There is something about family. The bond of love that is born into the relationship with family is as strong or as fragile as we make it. I like it strong.
-Friendships. Too much to say about this. I have some really great friends. Some of them have been difficult and some of them have been easy. Sometimes I realize how much I need them and sometimes I think I would be better off without them. But what it comes down to, is I do need friends. I don't want to loose the friends that I have a lot of time invested in, the ones who know me upside down and inside out and I want to get closer to my new ones. This requires work on my part, but I am willing to do it.

So, these things, and thoughts on my relationships with my kids (another blog post again), are taking up a lot of my thoughts this trip. I am planning and praying and trusting. I have things where I will need to put my feet to the fire and where I need to put my money where my mouth is. Today, I feel like there is hope.

I am grateful for time. I am grateful for a place where I can go to rest, to think, to talk things through, to sleep or not sleep like last night. I am grateful for God, who is with me wherever I go, continuing the work that He is doing, walking along with me, holding my hand when I need it, nudging me along when I dig my feet into the ground, and lifting me up when I fall! He has done all of these things for me just in five days. I wonder if he is as tired as I am. But no, He is God. I think I will go rest under in His protection tonight. He will be awake protecting me. Isn't He good?