Liz's Letters

When I turned 46 last fall, I decided that this would be the year that I get back into a state of physical, spiritual, and emotional fitness. Since I moved to Texas my exercise habits fell by the wayside which means my weight increased. Then my doctor diagnosed me with hypertension, probably a lot due to anxiety. Dealing on and off with some mild depression did not help. The challenge of relocating cross country, the emotional loss of my support network, the trauma of my mother's accident, and the pain of strained relationships in my former church, I felt like I was falling apart - body, mind, and soul. I have taken several different steps in effort to achieve this goal. My blood pressure is controlled by medication, and an anxiety reducing medication at that. (Propranalol...very helpful!) My goal is to be able to eliminate the meds from my life, if my body will cooperate and calm down. My husband and I have gone back to a 90 percent vegetarian diet. He is a Cook For Life instruct...

The title of this chapter is If It Were Easy It Wouldn't Be Worth Doing. That's a hard pill to swallow. There have been a couple of big events in my life recently that were not easy. They were both discouraging and frightening. And I threw a couple of pity parties of my own during these seasons. One, my husband was layed off for 18 months. I worked full time while he did handy man jobs. At times, I felt very sorry for myself. Looking back, I can see that it was one of the sweetest and most peaceful times in our marriage. God used that time to mold me (and my husband) into what He wanted us to be. I finally said YES to God in my attitude and then when my husband found a job that moved us across the country, to Texas. I left all that had been familiar to me for almost 12 years, left one son in college there, and moved, somewhat against my will. I said yes and have since discovered that the entire thing was planned by God. I saw how He worked, and doing it that mysterious way that...

My trip to the East Coast is coming up fast. When I booked the trip in early February, it seemed that June was a long time coming! Now, as the first of May is just around the corner, I know that the trip will be here before I know it. And I have said this before, but part of the fun in things like this is the anticipation in waiting! Every step that I take in preparation is another step of excitement. When we made the flight arrangements, I was excited. When I called and secured the beach house, I was excited. When I arranged to pick up my daughter's best friend, I was excited. As I have planned the get together with friends, I get excited. And even when I reserved the rental car, I was excited. Over the weekend, I did a good deal of shopping. While I was shopping, the friend I was with kept saying, "OH! That will be great to take with you to Virginia!" And that was exciting too! Last night when talking to my son, we made plans for he and his girlfriend to come to the be...

I love life. I am grateful for the rain that we got in Texas last night. The grass, the trees, and the flowers are green and shiny. The birds are singing and the geckos are playing. I am grateful for my family. My husband loves me and I love him. My children are healthy and they love God. They have healthy friendships and relationships. They are intelligent and have good goals for their lives. I enjoyed my Sunday afternoon talk with Aaron and Amy. Adam and I had a real nice talk tonight too. I am thankful that both of my adult boys make a point to catch up with their mom and dad every Sunday. Adam has been calling us every Sunday since he went to college, and Aaron and Amy spend time with us most Sunday evenings as well. My daughter is one of my favorite people to spend time with too and she was home with us all weekend except Friday night. I am grateful for time with my family. I am grateful for my friendships. I enjoy relationships and I love people. I had so much fun ...

I had the opportunity recently to hear the heart of my pastor regarding the organized church. Those of you who know me know that I almost gave up on the organized church of today. The pastor of the church I am currently attending called himself a "recovering skeptic". I am one of those too. He has experienced many of the same things that I have and "the church" almost lost him too. What a blessing to know that I am not alone. And I am so glad that he didn't walk away because he is making such a difference for the Kingdom of God. If he can do it, I can do it. No, GOD can do it! Hello, my name is Liz and I am a recovering skeptic. I love my church.

That picture is a picture of my heart. It is how I feel after having traveled a long journey where the enemy walked with me some and I found my way back to God. This is how I will look this weekend while shopping with a friend, while babysitting for another friend, while attending the worship service at a fabulous, God seeking church. It is how I will look when I watch a movie with my husband this weekend, and how I will look when I go to work on Monday. Very importantly it is how I will look when I am in Virginia, visiting friends and spending time at the beach. I will be free of pain and anger. I will have boundaries in place (I have read ALL the boundaries books, for you who want to know) and I will be free to experience all the joy and abundance that God has to offer! (I wish I could add that the body is as voluptuous, but not true! It is a picture of the spirit...the attitude, not the physical! smile) I have to say that I feel more free than I have felt in such a very lo...

One of the many weapons we use to castigate people we disapprove of is sarcasm. True, it relieves our pent-up feelings, and if our remarks are really pointed, gives us a certain satisfaction. Repugnant as it is in itself, sarcasm becomes even more distasteful when we find it comes from the Greek very "sarcazo," which means to tear flesh. It is that form of irony in which the speaker is motivated by scorn. If I have ever used this weapon against another person, I promise myself not to do it again. I have no right to scorn anyone, since I can never know what created their need to behave as they do. Today I will remember to make an effort to blend gentleness with firmness to add a note of harmony to my relations with others instead of tearing and destroying. I will realize that the wounds made by sarcasm are slow to heal, and may defer the longed-for improvement in my life. O.D.A.T. Alanon A scorner seeks wisdom, and finds it not: but knowledge is easy unto him that understa...

For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime; weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning . Psalm 30:5

Today could have been a difficult day for me, emotionally and spiritually. The day started off good. I spent time with God, had a nice time of prayer and set off for work with a positive attitude about the day. I called a friend of mine in Kansas to set up a weekend visit and the conversation was positive and full of excitement. My half sister is getting married in a town where I used to live, so I am looking forward to her wedding and then some time with my old and dear friends who I was in a prayer group with for many years. Life is good. I started my day at work, handling problems which takes up a good portion of my day. Oddly, I like to solve problems, and I was on a roll. Midway through the morning, something happened that changed my entire attitude about the day. Instead of pausing and thinking it through, I took action immediately. I had several people holding me accountable to NOT doing exactly what I did. Ugh. So after I did what I had done, I had to make some phone ...

This is my weekly post for the Bloggy Bible Study What Happens When Women Say Yes To God by Lysa Terkeurst Chapter 5 This weeks chapter was enlightening, convicting, and motivating. The first thing that caused me to stop and think was the description of a "naysayer." Naysayers do not understand people who are choosing the life of radical obedience. Lysa states, "They don't understand you. They don't want to understand you. And often what you're doing makes them feel convicted. If someone is quick to find fault in something good someone else is doing, that person is usually wrapped up in his or her own self-centered outlook. Naysayers make themselves feel better by tearing others down." This statement caused me to evaluate the naysayers in my life and also the times that I have been guilty of being one myself. Ouch. I found it interesting to read the section in this chapter regarding naysayers since my blog post from yesterday: Fear Is Gone w...

1 John 4:18 Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love. I sometimes struggle with fear. Fear that I am not good enough, fear that something bad will happen, fear that people might abandon me, or even fear that people will take things away from me that are important to me. I am pretty sure that this type of thinking is a result of having experienced a fair amount of tragedy in my life. People were taken from me, bad things did happen, and I have constantly struggled with feelings of unworthiness. Fear is not from God. Experiencing His perfect love expels all fear. I am beginning to understand this in ways that I never thought I would grasp. The struggle with fear is becoming something I deal with less and less. I rejoice over this because a situation recently occurred that would have had my heart stopped in fear a few years ago, but I was not afraid this t...

THE SECRET IS OUT! Today is my husband's 50th birthday! He doesn't look 50 years old, he doesn't act 50 years old, and he certainly is more healthy than many 50 year olds! To celebrate, I thought it would be fun to throw him a surprise party! That was the secret! I started planning it the middle of March and the more I tried to plan, the more I thought that I might have to cancel it. His best friend was going to be on call, another friend was not able to fly in like I had hoped, and I really wasn't sure I could get very many people to come due to the fact that we have only lived in the area a couple of years. But, I planned on, praying and putting the whole thing in God's hands. I snuck into his computer for emails and phone numbers. I sent out invitations. I planned a menu and secretly purchased food and decorations. All without him finding anything out! The day started like any other Saturday. He even changed the breaks on my car. Around 4:00 p.m., my mother a...

OK, some of you who know me know that I can't stand secrets. On one hand I think they are harmful, they hurt people, they make people feel left out of things. Often times I just can't figure out what the purpose is to keeping most secrets. I know there are some things that are just plain private, but to act as if privacy is a life or death matter, it bewilders me. What makes people want to hide things? Pride? Fear? And then when I have to keep a secret, as in a fun secret, I find it extremely difficult. I have revealed my own secrets...like when I buy a gift for someone...I tell it WAY too often! Or, it just slips out. One time I was talking to my son and actually said, "....when you see the shirts I bought you for Christmas." and didn't even realize it. I will never live it down. I know that I am more open than a lot of people. That's OK with me. It has it's good points and it has it's bad. I have learned what is "Too much informatio...

It is time for my Bloggy Bible Study post. I am sorry that I am a little late, but what I learned from this chapter is the same today as it was yesterday. :) I love the title of the chapter - You Never Know How God Will Use You Until You Let Him! It is so simple, but so true. In my life, the times I have been used most by God were the times that I thought I was simply living life, minding my own business and He placed a person or a situation in my life in which He intended to use me. Many of those times, I was unaware that it was happening until after the fact. What I do understand now, those were all times that I was already walking daily with Him and I was spending time with Him regularly. Often this happened even in the midst of what He had called me to do in my service to Him...which I believe is the point, but I am always surprised! There have been times when I said yes and was having to walk out in faith, total blind faith. There was a time my husband and I said yes to helping wi...

One year ago today I recieved a phone call from my husband that I will never forget. I was standing in the middle of a parking lot when I heard the words, "There has been a shooting at Virginia Tech and several students have been killed." It was still early in the morning when I received this call and the news was still pouring out of the area. Our son was a student at Virginia Tech that day and as a mother, the feeling that came upon my being when I heard those words is something that I cannot describe and something I never hope to experience again. I became desperate to speak to my son, almost in a crazy way. When I finally reached him and found out that he was OK, tears of joy were uncontrollable and I thanked God with passion and sincerety that I have never known before. Then I became a CNN addict. I knew my son was safe, but there were all those students who were not. And I was in Texas....my son in Virginia. I couldn't get close enough. I wanted to see him, to touch...

Last night I went with some friends to a concert. We spent almost 4 hours at the American Airlines Center in Dallas listening to Daughtery and Bon Jovi! What a blast! I love Daughtery. They are a great band with great music. I think it is another wonderful example of how American Idol is doing a great job of finding talent and these folks are entering into the music world. Daughtery being a Christian band under a secular label and doing so well is icing on the cake. Plus, to tour with one of the legends...Bon Jovi! So let me talk a little about my night with Bon Jovi. I have enjoyed his music for almost 20 years. As soon as the Lost Highway CD was released, I bought it that day. I think he is very talented, extremely good looking and a genuinely nice man. But...ladies (since I will only be talking to ladies here...unless you are gay) this man is HOT! (yes, my husband knows that I think this!) I think he has gotten better with age. If I ever swooned, last night would have been it. His v...

My son, Adam, has lived in Fairfax, Virginia for a week now. It is his new home and I don't really like it. I am proud of him because he has a good job, but I don't like it that he couldn't come over for dinner tonight. I don't think I am old enough to have a son who lives half way across the country, making his own salary and his own dinner tonight! However, our dinner tonight was fun even though we missed Adam. Most Sunday's, Aaron (my other son) and Amy (girlfriend) join us for dinner. I heard Rebecca (my daughter) tell a friend that we always have pasta or meatloaf on Sunday nights. True and sort of funny. Tonight was Italian night. We also included a friend of mine and her two children. It was fun...crazy but fun. I choked on black pepper and thought I would die coughing! Then, I accidentally let Amy's dog out and fell down while trying to catch her. Fun stuff. I am certainly too old to chase dogs and apparently too old to eat pepper! We have a new family m...

Due to the circumstances of my childhood and teenage years, I developed a strong sense of the need to control. I felt that so much of my life was out of control so I tried to control anything and everything that I could in order to feel like I had any sense of control. Because of this survivalist attitude, I did not establish a healthy understanding of what was mine and was not mine to control. I controlled my younger siblings by telling them what to do. I left high school early since I was able to do it, more control. I carried it into my marriage and even into my parenting. I discovered that I was controlling in many of my relationships. And if I ran across someone who was not doing what I wanted them to do, I tried to manipulate and control the situation to suit my expectations. If I was unsuccessful, I ditched the relationship. That does not mean that I have not had some very long term friendships, I have. But mostly, the friends that I keep around in my life have belief ...

I have spent the week really trying to keep my eyes looking toward heaven and paying attention to the beautiful people and things around me. I must say, sometimes it has been easier than others, but as the week has gone on, it has become easier even though the week had many challenges in it. Thunderstorms have been fierce in Texas for the last couple of weeks. I have had many nights that thunder, lightening, and tornado sirens have interrupted my sleep. Since I really like my sleep and get cranky when I don't get it, it has been difficult at times to see the positive with all the sand in my eyes from lack of sleep. But I thought about the nice sound of the rain, the water that we will not have to ration this summer during the dog days of summer. Speaking of dogs, mine has been sick. He is getting old so his bowels are not holding as well as they did when he was a younger dog. There have been several accidents on the floor when I wake up in the morning, which is not the most pleasan...

Last week, I received an urgent prayer request for a staff member of the church that I am a member of. She had suffered what her family believed to be a migraine headache that turned out to be much more serious. Long story short, our Lord brought her home to be with Him on Sunday evening. This woman was an amazingly talented young (34) year old woman of God. She was married and had been in full time ministry for many years. She was beautiful. I have heard her lead worship, sing, and speak on many occasions. She was admirable and I know that when God looked at her, he was pleased. So, I have been sad...sad for the loss of her life on earth. Sad for her husband who loved her. For her parents and sisters who will miss her. For her best friend, who also serves on staff at FC. And sad for those of us that will no longer have the opportunity to be encouraged by her sweet spirit, to worship under her lead, or to hear her beautiful voice. As I ponder these losses, I have remained in ...

Today, I attended a worship service at a church that we have been attending the past two or three months. When we first moved here, we attended this church regularly and I participated in two different Bible Studies for women, but for whatever reason, we did not feel that it was where we were to place our membership at that time. We are currently members of another wonderful church (Fellowship) but recently felt God nudging us along in a different direction. After prayer and visiting around again, my husband suggested we go back to The Village Church which was always his favorite and mine. We had joined Fellowship mostly because our son and daughter both liked it best when we were deciding nearly three years ago, but our son is attending church on his own now and our daughter has had a difficult time feeling plugged in at Fellowship. It was a good place for some healing to take place in my life and my husbands, but now my faith is better...so, back to The Village we go. I have to say, ...

As I plan a trip to the state of Virginia, my thoughts have pondered much about friendships, especially old ones since I lived in Virginia for twelve years. I have given thought to which friends I hope to see and even some former friends that I hope not to see. Friends will be picking me up from the airport, my daughter will bring her best friend with her to a beach house that is being loaned to me by another friend. There will be a party for me to see some of my most important friends, hosted by one of my very best friends. Even my son and his girlfriend will probably drive down from the DC area and I am very excited. My son, even though he is my child, he is also my friend. I am working on a beautiful friendship with his girlfriend and I hope that the friendship grows along with her involvement in my son's life. Last night, my best friend, also my husband, and I had dinner with our oldest and dearest friends. We lived across the street from them almost twenty years ago in t...

I am participating in a cutting edge way of learning and studying God's word by joining a Blog Bible Study. I think it is fabulous and I love sharing what God is doing in the lives of others from all over the world. We are reading and sharing about the book What Happens When Women Say Yes to God by Lysa Terkeurst. Every Tuesday, I will post what I summarize from my reading in the current chapter. This week it is Chapter 2 Hearing God's Voice. If you have been reading my blog in past months, you will know that I sometimes hear Him say things, then realize I heard Him, but misunderstood part of the message. Those of you who know me also know that I am a strong willed personality and have the tendency to mix in my own thoughts with God's message. This happened recently regarding a post that I titled "Genuine Pearls". I was certain, for a period of time, that God was requesting that I end a very close friendship of mine. It even seemed that He confirmed this "mes...