Due to the circumstances of my childhood and teenage years, I developed a strong sense of the need to control. I felt that so much of my life was out of control so I tried to control anything and everything that I could in order to feel like I had any sense of control. Because of this survivalist attitude, I did not establish a healthy understanding of what was mine and was not mine to control. I controlled my younger siblings by telling them what to do. I left high school early since I was able to do it, more control. I carried it into my marriage and even into my parenting. I discovered that I was controlling in many of my relationships. And if I ran across someone who was not doing what I wanted them to do, I tried to manipulate and control the situation to suit my expectations. If I was unsuccessful, I ditched the relationship. That does not mean that I have not had some very long term friendships, I have. But mostly, the friends that I keep around in my life have belief systems very much like mine. Recently, this has been something that God brought up that I found I need to change. And let me tell you what! It has been excruciatingly difficult. He has set things up where there are people in my life who I love very much who just simply will NOT do what I want all the time. Imagine that!!! And instead of allowing me to eliminate them from my life, He continues to challenge me to let go and let Him take care of them. This has become such a serious matter in my life that I attend a recovery meeting every single week in order to keep learning about this, to be held accountable to this, and to hang out with people who are also working on this. Oh, what a blessing it is!
So, I am learning that when I think about letting go, I must remember that there is a natural order to life...a plan...and it is not my plan but God's plan. When I let go of a situation, I am allowing life to unfold according to HIS plan. I open my eyes to see what He wants to accomplish, and sometimes it is different than what I want. I am able to see new ways of thinking and new ways of behaving. When I let go of another person, I am affirming their right to live their own life, to make their own choices and to grow as they experience the results of their own actions. (no matter what) God is there for them as well as me. I must trust Him with those who I want to control. My interference in their lives disrupts my connection with them as well as my connection to God.
I am learning and practicing that I am the only person that I can control. I am my own top priority. By keeping the focus on what God wants me to control, I can let go of other people's problems and cope with my own. I am powerless over anyone else. I can only live my own life. Changing myself for the better is the only way I can find peace and serenity.
I will let go and let God!
2 comments:
You go, girl!
Dear Liz,
I would not hesitate to say that everyone would appreciate their own breathing space and the opportunity to make decissions on their own. We all have our own unique way of doing things and things usually work themselves out in the end.
The need to control can be very ugly and painful for those caught up in those relationships. Thank God you recognized it in yourself and have actively working to change that behavior.
I know someone who must be the 'Old Liz'. I can't deal with her behavior and have ended the relationship yet when someone ask about her I find myself answering "If everyone would just live their lives the way SHE wants us too the world would be at peace."
The sad thing is this person is just as fun loving and full of energy as you are. She just won't admit she has anything she needs to work on. We are the one's with the problems.
What is recovery?
Love you,
Lorinda
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