I have spent the week really trying to keep my eyes looking toward heaven and paying attention to the beautiful people and things around me. I must say, sometimes it has been easier than others, but as the week has gone on, it has become easier even though the week had many challenges in it.
Thunderstorms have been fierce in Texas for the last couple of weeks. I have had many nights that thunder, lightening, and tornado sirens have interrupted my sleep. Since I really like my sleep and get cranky when I don't get it, it has been difficult at times to see the positive with all the sand in my eyes from lack of sleep. But I thought about the nice sound of the rain, the water that we will not have to ration this summer during the dog days of summer.
Speaking of dogs, mine has been sick. He is getting old so his bowels are not holding as well as they did when he was a younger dog. There have been several accidents on the floor when I wake up in the morning, which is not the most pleasant sight to see first thing. Especially with that sand in my eyes! So, my husband (bless his heart) cleaned the carpet and just a few days later, yet another poo poo boo boo on the rug. But I thought about what a wonderful pet that he is and how his loyalty and companionship brings so much added joy to our home.
The passing of Vanessa was a horrible tragedy, but as I said in my post earlier this week, her life was such an honor to God. I thought about how thankful I was to have been witness to the glory she brought to Him.
There is a Bible Study that I have been doing with a group of ladies since January. It has been a struggle to do the homework, but two nights this week I stayed up late to spend time with God. It added to my being tired but I really wanted to get finished since this week was our last meeting. It is a Bible Study on Spiritual Bondage that I purchased back in 1999. I have tried on 3 prior occasions to work through it and somehow allowed the enemy to stop me. I was determined this time to get it finished. It was hard work, emotionally, physically, and spiritually. I sometimes felt defeated and hopeless. But I focused on tearing down those lies, focusing on the truth of who I am in Christ, and got it done!...Nine years later! And God revealed some things to me that can change my life if I choose to let them.
Even though I am so excited to make this trip to Virginia this summer, there are some very burdensome things that will go into the trip. I will be faced to face (even if not actually face to face) some relationships that have been very damaged. This is scary to me and I want to protect myself. But I choose to think about the people who will welcome my visit, the real friends that I have there and be OK with the ones who are not. Even though part of the trip will be sad as I bury parts of who I was during my life there, I look forward to cutting loose of the chains that have held me in bondage. I focus on how I will allow God to heal the hurts that occurred there. I will create new and fresh purposes for being there, and bask in the relationships that are happy and healthy while basking in the sun.
And I mourn the state of relationship with the one dear friend. There has been pain and hurt that is being worked through and our relationship has been strained as a result. In the past, she was the one that I was in daily contact with, like sisters. We talked about everything and I loved it, even after I moved away. So, it has taken a fair amount of energy to try to get used to not talking to her as much. We still talk, but while we are working on things I still have to make the conscious effort to not have her in my day to day life. Every day that goes by, the hole tries to grow larger. But I focus on letting God fill that hole. And the more I am able to do that, the smaller the hole will become and the more joy I will have.
So, I am practicing taking my thoughts captive to the truth! God loves me. He blesses me. He satisfies my every desire. I think of ways that I can give to others. I helped a coworker by running an errand for her that was near my home. (she lives a distance a way). I am helping a friend with her children this weekend while she takes a needed break from the day to day life of being a single parent. Even going to Walmart yesterday, I saw people who made me smile...a father and son practicing funky dance steps as they entered the building, a young mother who had a very talkative toddler that she was trying to entertain while she was shopping, a newborn baby, an old man buying fruit. The simplest things were beautiful and I had to remember to not be sad about the things in my life that I can't control.
I can't control the Texas thunderstorms. That's God's job. I can't control my dog's aging and failing health, but I can keep him comfortable and clean. I cannot control the devil, but I do have the answers to win the battle. I cannot control the way other people view me, but I can continue to confess my sins and allow God to change my heart. I have zero control over my friend, her thoughts or desires regarding our friendship, but I can control the way I behave toward her and the way I pray for her.
And I can walk through my day looking at how I can meet the needs of others, enjoy and encourage others, and see the beauty of the earth. I can think about life with the mind of Christ. I can develop a more positive attitude.
Seize the day!
Lookin' to heaven!
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