Truth, Honesty and How to NOT mess it all up.

You shall not give false testimony against your neighbor.

Exodus 20:16

Jesus said that the greatest commandment is to love God with all your heart, mind and soul. He said the second greatest is to love your neighbor as yourself. And a huge part of loving someone is being honest with them, also being the 9th of the 10 Commandments.

Sometimes being honest is difficult because it is painful. I have been in a few situations like this, one in particular was gigantic in my mind. I hid the truth for a long time, torn between protecting trust but also knowing that the truth should be revealed to someone, somewhere. It involved sin and dishonesty in the leadership of a church. But the reason I held it in confidence was because I loved my friend. So, is it right to share the truth even when it could hurt someone? Or should we conceal the truth in order to spare their feelings? Reputation? Or in this case their job?

This has become one of the biggest questions that I have ever asked.

I had to evaluate my motives. At times my motive was to tell out of selfish ambition, or in the midst of conflict. Ultimately, the truth was "leaked" partially just to prove a point. The relationships began to divide.

There was a motive that was based on love, but it did not always win out. Love would suggest help, love would not destroy.

To communicate honesty in the right spirit to those around us, we must package it with love.
If confronted with a situation that needs the light of truth, I have learned it best to take a moment to pray for the right words, a humble attitude and a loving spirit so I can communicate lovingly and honestly. Because when I do that, when we do that, we will discover that honesty in every situation can help restore and strengthen relationships, and provide opportunities for great personal growth, for all parties.

I wish this lesson had been learned prior to the loss of my friendship. It is still a big question in my mind. The truth in this situation was just that - TRUTH. But it hurt. Some truth is simply difficult. Blatant sin. Abuse. Addiction. Affairs. Lies. Only God can give us enough grace and mercy to make any sense to any of this.

I find myself praying for future situations with this prayer:

Dear Lord, I ask for your help in dealing with areas that need the light of your truth. Help me with the words to say as well as a loving spirit and a humble attitude as I communicate words that will help toward restoration and growth in every relationship I have.
In Jesus’ name I pray, Amen.

I Got A Feeling....

that this is gonna be a good, good year!!!!!! I have great expectations! And I don't make New Year's Resolutions, but I do like goals. And prayers. I know God will answer prayers, and there are a few that I look forward to seeing the answer to, hopefully in 2010. It would be great if love and peace and forgiveness would win out in a few broken relationships. I am still praying. And I am look forward to how my marriage will become more wonderful, as it does every year! My health should improve since I am training for a triathlon. I lost 23 pounds in 2009. I look forward to losing about 15 to 20 more. Completing the Caveman triathlon with a couple of my very good friends is a goal that I am excited to achieve! It is going to be fun to see what God is going to do because I said "yes" to Him and stepped up into Home Group leadership with my church. And my church.... I have to say I am amazed and thrilled to love my church! What a blessing after so many years of being a s

Gone

A fire burns behind me I run to keep ahead Those who I once cared for becoming cold and dead Red and black the flames grow high Smoke rises in the air The pain of my unworthiness Seems more than I can bear In front of me I see the sun I long to feel it's heat The iciness inside my heart has paralyzed my feet I see the moon, I see the stars They swirl and dance for me I see the hole, the big dark hole Where one star used to be

Behind Those Eyes - Chapters 6 and 7

Happy Tuesday! It is time for the weekly thoughts on the book study Behind Those Eyes. Check out Lelia's blog for more information and look up the author, Lisa Whittle . Good stuff on both of these blogs! Chapter 6 is entitled, Cosmetics for the Soul. Lisa shared a story about working a part time job at a cosmetics counter. A woman approached, covered, hat, sunglasses and all, because she was hiding horrible scars from burns. Lisa spent around an hour concealing the woman's scars with cosmetics until she felt a little better about what she saw when she looked in the mirror. She used the story to illustrate how we, as women, try to conceal things about ourselves in order to hide the truth and escape rejection from others. This hit home with me when I read it. I will do almost anything to avoid rejection! Lisa say in chapter 6: We use concealer - cosmetics for our souls - that will camouflage those places in our hearts that are uglier than we want to see. I understand.

The Dementia Nurse said…

This is really powerful, Liz. When I start toying in my mind with, well, just how much truth DO we have to live by, I am on thin ice. You have given great advice here. Have a good weekend!

Friday, January 09, 2009

Paula V said…

Oh, what a difficult situation you have endured. What a difficult situation any of us could easily find ourselves. Your solution is right on...PRAY FIRST. Allow the Lord to lead our words, action, attitude, timing, and love. We could hope the truth would be received as presented: in love. However, it could be the situations we are speaking truth, the receiver is just not reading to face the truth. Prayerfully, the receivers would eventually come to understand the truth spoken.

Liz said…

Thank you, Paula. Funny, after I posted the blog, I pondered a bit on what I had written...thinking to myself, "Some people just are not willing to hear the truth." I know this was the case - to some degree - here. I was with said friend, when her counselor said these words, "You know, _______, you are in an abusive marriage." And she still didn't get it. She heard it from 4 different counselors, family and friends. The church he pastors didn't want to hear it either...but I witnessed it and know it was true. Hard stuff, lesson learned and my prayer is that eventually God will reveal Himself!

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